A Tale of Two Schemers
by Fable Inceptum
Summary: "It was like he had this secret ability to connect with my being, run through my veins, produce a surge of energy, and give me a very strong, desperate desire, to stab him repeatedly with a blunt spoon." - She always knew working with Sirius Black to get Lily and James together was a futile plan, what she didn't expect was falling for the idiot she was working with. Sirius/OC
1. Much Ado About Something

_**A Tale of Two Schemers**_

 **PART 1**

 _Chapter One: Much Ado About Something_

* * *

I blankly drew little swirls around the edges of my parchment as Professor Slughorn droned on about the effects of some remedial herb.

"…what you can do with it next is grind it into a fine powder, which helps it to dissolve faster in your potion; however you need to also be wary of this…"

My eyes drooped and I got bored with my doodles, instead I took to just tapping my quill on the surface of my desk. My eyes simply wandered over the room as my head came to rest in my hand. To my right there was a kid completely passed out, his mouth hanging wide open with his head tilted back. I frowned as I watched drool start to run down his unconscious face. In front of me were two girls, one was doing the other's hair into a braid while the other painted her nails. Right beside me there was a guy who pulled out his gum and stuck it underneath his desk while looking around cautiously. I pretended not to notice.

I turned my head away from these people and tried to zone in back to Slughorn.

"…you see, toads can be mixed with it, however, St. Mungo's has banned the concoction due to too many incidents which I won't go into full detail about…"

The sound of a quill quickly scratching out words onto parchment met my ears and I looked a row ahead of me to see Severus Snape writing down all of what Slughorn was saying. I rolled my eyes. I always prided myself on studying hard and getting good marks, but Snape always got a better grade than everyone in this class.

As I watched the git, I came to realize that maybe paying attention to every bloody second of Slughorn's monologues was what gave Snape the advantage over me. I also discovered that if that's what it took to get the highest grade, Snape could have it all to his bleeding self. There was no way I would sit in Slughorn's class for over an hour and not take a few road trips into dream world. It was simply not plausible to me.

"….be careful if you try this though, boils are not something you want to get on your skin…"

As I continued to watch Snape, a small noise from the back of the classroom caught my attention.

My gaze flattened when I saw who had made it.

The walking stooges; or 'Marauders' as they preferred. If there ever was such a thing as teen royalty in this school, it would be them.

James Potter: the quidditch star, with good looks.

Sirius Black: rich playboy, with good looks.

Remus Lupin: yet another class genius to complete with, with good looks.

Peter Pettigrew: sidekick to first two, certain cuteness to him, maybe he'll be handsome if he ever hits puberty.

Yada yada yada; you get the point.

Now as I watched them I gave a mental sigh. I knew from experience that within the next two minutes, the Marauders would do something that would ultimately result in some part of Snape catching on fire, to which the same old "shit hitting the fan" routine would begin.

Let me describe what I saw that told me this was about to happen.

As per usual, Potter and Black were sitting together, both whispering hurriedly to each other while sending the occasional glances to both Snape and Slughorn. Lupin had his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he muttered a few words here and there to the conniving two, to which the said two would ignore. Pettigrew would interject every once in a while, but mostly just sat there listening to Potter and Black with adoring eyes.

As they concluded phase one, i.e. Black and Potter both leaned back in the chairs with smirks plastered on their faces, I checked my position in the room. Snape was on one side of the classroom, the Marauders were on the other. I was sitting in the middle.

Usually not a good place to be…

I leaned back in my chair slightly and estimated where the line of fire would be. I also had to take into consideration that the likeliest of girls to go into panic mode and start trampling people in their haste to get out, were sitting right in front of me.

My gaze flattened as I realized my predicament.

"...what you want to look for when picking them is a tinge of yellow to the green leaves…"

Then came the subtle smell of burning robes.

Shit.

"…you do not want to pick ones that are a dark green however as they…"

My eyes snapped over to Snape who was still writing down every word of Slughorn's precious speech, oblivious to the fact that the hem of his robes was now smoking. I debated for a minute if he had simply become immune to the smell, as it did happened frequently, or that he was instead such a teacher's pet that he couldn't tear his mind away from Slughornland for two seconds and back to the reality that he was on fire.

I settled on the latter thought.

As I finished my ponderings, I looked to Slughorn and saw that he had finally noticed that something was amiss in his classroom. He had stopped his droning and was instead sniffing the air in confusion. Everyone else in the classroom seemed to snap out of their daydreams and were also looking confused as to why the professor had stopped his sleep enhancing lecture.

Idiots.

Honestly, this routine happened almost twice a week; why were they puzzled?

I glowered at the stupidity of the room and shoved my textbook into my bag as I prepared to leave. I gave one last look to Snape, who had finally lifted his head from his notes and was now looking at Slughorn perplexed, before shouldering my bag and shifting in my desk so that I could exit swiftly once everything went to shit again. I let out an annoyed huff and looked to the door.

And then Snape's robes went up in flames.

* * *

"It could've been worse, you know," Marlene told me, idly filing her nails in the chair next to me.

She sounded completely unfazed by the current situation, as if it was just a regular event that occurred on a daily basis. Which technically it was, but that was beside the point. The point was I was not in the mood to be patronized after having a horrible, life scarring event befall me.

My fiery gaze landed on her, and she rolled her eyes when she saw it, "what? You're not dead, are you?"

My eye twitched at the casual brunette sitting next to me. Marlene McKinnon was not someone who jumped to theatrics easily; instead she would just watch on the sidelines as catastrophes, such as this, occurred to the people around her, looking on with a dull expression and muttering sarcastic words as only a true sadist could. That was my best friend in a nutshell.

"My wrist is broken you chit!"

I never said we had a healthy relationship.

"Oh hush," Madam Pomfrey admonished as she tended to my broken wrist, "I'll have this fixed in a second."

I turned to glare at the nurse now. Again, beside the point. Where was the sense of justice and fairness in this room? Did it run off with the sense of rationality? Fine. I would handle the injustice on my own.

"I'm going to kill them. All of them." I seethed.

"Miss Watson…" Pomfrey warned, her eyes narrowing at my attitude as she raised her wand and began healing my wrist.

So now she cared about students trying to kill each other? Great timing, no really, just brilliant.

"It's not the bimbos who set Snape on fire, Jack; they only trampled over you in fear." Marlene told me as she put down her nail file casually and sat back in her chair, "you can't blame the chaos, only the cause."

"I wasn't talking about the bints!" I received another warning glare from Pomfrey to which I yet again ignored, "I was talking about the bloody causes!"

"Language, Miss Watson…"

Oh, take a pill.

"Oh yes, you taking out the Marauders," Marlene said dryly, "I can see it now."

"I'm serious!" I protested and then promptly let out a painful cry when I felt my bone crack back into place. I snapped my eyes to Madam Pomfrey indignantly who only raised an eyebrow, as if daring me to complain. I swear the faculty here has it out for me.

"You'd be dead before the end of the day." Marlene continued, causing me to begrudgingly look away from the sadistic nurse and cradle my now fixed, but sore wrist. "The fan club would probably poison your evening pumpkin juice before you even had time to bury the bodies."

"Then I'll come back and haunt their arses."

I swear I saw Pomfrey roll her eyes before she walked away from us.

"You need better life goals." Marlene tutted.

I shot her another withering glance and then slid to my feet from the edge of the hospital bed, leaving the hospital wing with a strong desire to kill, or even slightly maim, a Marauder.

* * *

My eyes nearly caught fire as I watched with complete loathing as Potter took a seat next to Lily at supper, his goons following suit with Black taking the vacant spot next to me. Beside me Marlene dully put her hand over my wrist and pushed it down so that the fork I was gripping tightly returned to the table before I could lash out and shove it in the boy next to me.

Wee bit homicidal these days it seems…

"If your only reason for taking the spot on the bench next to me is to give yet another insignificant, pathetic plea for me to go to Hogsmeade with you, Potter, I suggest you return your mouth to its closed position before I once again trample over all of your apparent hopes and dreams with my incredible ability to see into the future and tell you what my response will be."

This carefully worded dialogue caused me to break out of my furious daze and turn to raise an eyebrow at Lily.

Apparently I have poetic friends.

The red haired girl said this all without even glancing at the boy who had his mouth half opened in attempt to greet her, and she only tiredly looked up when she had finished her little speech, waiting for him to respond. Potter blinked twice, his expression frozen from the time when he sat down.

"That's what I thought." Lily stated, regarding him with a look of distaste before returning to her notebooks that were scattered about her, her plate of food lying nearby forgotten.

"Who said we even wanted to take you bints?" Black questioned, drawing my attention back to the admittedly gorgeous, but egotistical grey eyed boy sitting next to me. "I just came here to eat."

His death was imminent.

"My flower is not a 'bint', Sirius." Potter was out of his Lily induced coma.

"Fine," Black rolled his eyes, before nodding his head in my direction, "Jack can be the bint."

His eloquence did nothing to sooth my anger. I had loathed the git since first year, ever since he 'accidently' pushed me in the lake after I told him he was an idiot for believing that there was a giant squid in the lake that fed off at least two first year students each year. Needless to say, it was the start of a long enmity. Throughout the past six years, his arsehole self just continued to grow, and I couldn't help but dislike him more as he was always 'pranking' somebody. Of course there was also several times where those stupid pranks would end up affecting me. Today for example…

"I'll show you bint, you wanker," I growled, and Marlene let out a breath of annoyance as she grabbed onto the loose end of my tie and pulled me back away from the boy I intended to strangle.

Lily had continued to study at this point while Potter sat there awkwardly serving himself dinner, and Lupin and Pettigrew were already eating their meal and chatting casually. I swear nothing fazes these people. Granted, these exchanges between our groups had become almost routine. I mean, Lupin, Pettigrew, and Marlene were keeping out of the arguments between Black and I as per usual while Potter tried to seduce Lily with impeccable failure every time. Why we even bothered with each other was a mystery to everyone. I only ever willingly joined up with them for quidditch, but besides that, it was really James Potter who forced us all together. He would seek out his 'Lily-Flower' and the rest of his precious Marauders would follow. Each time it would end with somebody getting bitched out and we would eventually drift back apart, only to start the same process hours later. Yes, we are all idiots.

"Violence is not a solution, Jaxiel," Black simply tutted, deliberately reaching in front of me with languish as he retrieved a biscuit from the table.

I ignored the jab at him using my real name and instead stared at his arm moving in front of me like a disgusting bug. Meanwhile a fan girl from the Hufflepuff table growled lowly to herself about me not being worthy of being in his, 'glorious yet intimidating presence'.

Future Minister of Magic right there, folks.

"It's _Watson_ , Black." I snapped at him, slapping his hand out of my personal bubble and causing him to drop his biscuit back onto the table.

He didn't even acknowledge that I said something as he watched with a frown as his bloody pastry rolled off the edge of the table and landed on the ground. He sat looking at it for a moment before focusing back on me.

"That was rude." He pointed out, bringing his gaze back to mine, "You should work on your manners, _Watson_."

"I _will_ hurt you." I threatened.

He scoffed, his stupidly perfect black hair tossing back slightly as he did so. I swear he used seven different potions a day on it. Nobody has hair that perfect.

"What did I ever do to receive such hostility?" He questioned, making a point of grabbing another biscuit and shoving a piece down his throat before I had the chance to swat it away again. My nose went upturned in disbelief, and in disgust, due to how fast he had inhaled the piece of food. I tried to ignore his obnoxious eating habits and focused on how much I hated him.

"How about breaking my bloody wrist?" I questioned, "Is that a big enough reason to break through the stupidity barrier of your brain and qualify as a reason for hostility?"

"Let it go, Jack…" Marlene commented, idly picking the raisins out of her oatmeal cookie.

"Breaking your wrist?" Black quirked an eyebrow in confusion. "What sort of rubbish is that? I haven't even touched you."

"You caused it, you daft git!" I said furiously, "You're the one who caused the stampede of panicked bints to run me over!"

He gave me a blank look, "Huh? I thought you were the bint?"

Castrating him in his sleep was always an option as well.

He looked to James who answered the unspoken question as he swirled his spaghetti on his plate while pathetically sending small glances at Lily.

"Potions, mate."

"Ahhh."He drawled back in realization, "Now I remember,"

Lightbulb.

If only it would catch fire now and blow up his thick head. Oh happy day…

His voice brought me out of the happy thought, "Yeah, sorry Watson, still can't recall laying a finger on you, let alone breaking one of your bones."

My threshold for conniption fits always seemed to lower when Sirius Black was around. It was like he had this secret ability to connect with my being, run through my veins, produce a surge of energy, and give me a very strong, desperate desire, to stab him repeatedly with a blunt spoon. This time was no different.

"You sent Snape up in flames, you twit!" I blew up finally, "You caused everyone in the bloody classroom to come charging towards the door, which was where I was at! You caused the random bint to trample me!"

He blinked twice.

"I didn't even touch you." He repeated finally, taking yet another biscuit.

I couldn't even say anything for several seconds; beyond outraged at the wizard oblivious to his impending death.

"I'll bet you two galleons that she socks him within the next two minutes." Mary MacDonald nudged Marlene.

"That's a given at this point." Marlene responded dully.

I didn't even glance at the two as I kept my flashing green eyes on Black, "Don't you give me that bullshit! You broke my wrist!"

"Again, no physical part of my body touched you,"

"Does this face look like it gives a flying rat's ass about technicalities?!"

"Oh for bloody– you know what? There. That's me touching you, see the difference?"

...

"GET YOUR HAND OFF MY ARSE!"

 _Slap._

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU DEMEANING PI–"

"Oh for crying out loud," Marlene growled, finally having enough and physically getting up and dragging me from my chair, "That's it! I'm done! We're moving to a different seat!"

I was pulled roughly from my seat and I protested indignantly at the raven haired girl. Then I noticed Black had a hand to his reddening cheek and was muttering curses under his breath while shooting me dirty looks. My eyes narrowed even further and I grabbed a biscuit off the table as Marlene pulled on my other arm and I chucked the pastry straight at the insufferable git's face. I watched in victory as it hit him directly between his stupidly gorgeous grey eyes and then bounced off his perfect nose.

Stupid Black.

* * *

"Don't give me that look. I'm just saying you could exhibit a little bit more self-control. I'm not asking you to join Slytherin or anything, relax."

My glare did not change as I looked back at Marlene from my place on the floor of the common room. She sat behind me on one of the couches surrounding the crackling fireplace, my essay for Transfiguration laying forgotten on her lap as she stopped halfway through proofreading it to complain yet again about supper. I huffed out a breath and leaned back against the couch and stared at the fire instead. And she thought I was the one who couldn't let things go.

"So you had to sit with the first years for dessert, big deal. Must I remind you that Black was the one who sat next to me?" I questioned in annoyance.

Admittedly, sitting with the first years wasn't something many people wanted to do. They were still getting over the novelty of the feasts we got every day and deemed it necessary to stuff in their mouths everything they could see at once. Watching them choke on their own meal while also spitting out pieces of mauled food as they shouted needlessly to one another, was not exactly something you wanted to witness while trying to eat your own supper. However, sitting next to a wizard who never outgrew this stage of life wasn't a life goal for me either. Cough, cough, Black, cough, cough.

"You didn't have to slap him and cause a scene," Marlene countered, no doubt giving a pointed look at the back of my head, "Just once I would like to eat a meal in peace."

"He bleeding _groped_ me!" I hissed, twisting back around to look at her again, completely scandalized that she could forget that wee bit of information, "I should have hexed his sorry arse instead of just slapping him!"

She raised an eyebrow, "He barely touched you, let alone 'groped' you."

My eyes narrowed slightly and I simply shook my head as I looked at my best friend, "I was molested."

She rolled her eyes in response and simply lifted my essay back up for her inspection, "We already knew he was a pervert, Jack, it's nothing new."

I knew I wasn't going to get any sympathy from her so I blew out air through my nose and looked back to the fireplace again, "Just read the bloody essay."

She seemed to heed my request as she didn't say anything for several minutes. My attention soon switched to looking around the empty common room. Most of the house was up in the dorms, either getting ready for bed or studying. It was only a week in to the new school year and already the senior years were getting piles of homework, hence the essay Marlene was proofreading. It was already seventh year for us; our last year at Hogwarts before we had to actually go out and get a life. How and where, few of us actually knew. The past year had shown that the wizarding world was getting darker and darker, and it seemed to make the entire graduating class rethink their life plans. Not that I had any plans in the first place.

I thought back to the conversation I had had with my mum over summer break. Being a muggle, she didn't understand why I was scared to make any plans after school, and kept insisting that I get some sort of idea in my head so that I didn't end up sitting on my arse for the next year wondering what I should do. I did see her point, and I would get a job, but whether I would start looking for career options was an entirely different story.

I let out a sigh and leaned my head back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling.

"Is that a word smudged out or an actual word?" Marlene questioned, handing the scroll over to me.

I absently took the scroll and squinted my eyes to see the spot she was pointing at.

"Do you need your glasses?" She asked dryly, watching as my face scrunched up.

"I can see just fine," I growled in annoyance, always bothered when she brought up my slight inability to read up close. Truth was, it was my horrible penmanship that was the main factor of why I couldn't read it, "It's a word… I think…"

"Don't you _dare_ 'Lily-Flower' me!"

Marlene and I both looked up to see Lily storm into the common room from the portrait hole, her face an angry shade of red as James Potter trailed after her, his own face a mask of confusion.

"How the bloody hell am I to blame for that worthless snake's actions?" Potter questioned, but Lily ignored him as she ran straight up the stairs to the dormitories, "We have rounds in half an hour! You're head girl! You can't ignore me forever!"

"Watch me, you bastard!" Her angry yell came from somewhere up the stone stair case, and I could hear the slight choke to her voice. Lily didn't cry easily, so whatever Potter did, it had affected her. I felt my entire body go into battle mode.

"What the hell did you do to her?" I demanded, dropping my scroll to the floor and getting to my feet as I narrowed my gaze on the frustrated boy across from me.

"Jack," Marlene tried to intervene.

Potter stopped running his hands agitatedly through his already messy hair and turned to look at me with a glare of his own, "What did _I do_? Well that's bloody typical isn't it? It's always me to blame, never that snivelling _friend_ of hers! I'm through with the lot of you!"

Before I couldn't even think of a cutting reply, he turned around and went back out of the common room, the portrait slamming shut behind him. The Fat Lady would be unimpressed for the rest of the week. That was not the reaction I was expecting though, and it left me stunned for a moment. I blinked twice before turning to look at Marlene, "What just happened…?"

"Dear old Snape called his beloved friend a mudblood." A voice dripping with dark sarcasm replied, and I spun around to see that in all the commotion Black had entered the room and was currently leaning against a wall nearby.

"What?" I questioned, my voice sharp.

He pushed off the wall and walked closer towards us, "James and Snivellus got into a bit of an argument. A fight started up and Evans tried to stop James. Snape told her he didn't need any help from a mudblood. You can imagine where it went from there."

I heard Marlene take in a sharp breath from behind me, and I internally cursed Snape. After six years of Lily backing him up when we questioned their friendship and the arse goes and does this. Lily was probably already strewn across her bed crying, feeling completely devastated. I brought my hand up to my forehead and groaned.

Black's intense gaze on me brought me back to reality.

"What?" I asked impatiently.

He raised an eyebrow, but his stare was still as intense, "You're not going to go and castrate Snivellus?"

I shot him a dirty look, " _No_. That would only upset Lily more at this point."

He nodded to the side, "Well that would explain her attitude towards James at the moment."

"Idiot," I muttered, not really wanting to know the details of what the Marauders did to Snape.

"You know Evans very well, don't you?" Black suddenly questioned, causing me to look at him suspiciously as he still had that stupid intent look on his face.

You really had to have spent years with the Marauders to know that when they were thinking about something, it usually wasn't something you wanted to get involved with. You just kind of strayed towards the sidelines and hoped they wouldn't lose you even more house points than they already had in the past day.

I settled for the neutral response. "What's your point, Black?"

He took a step back and shrugged casually, "I just find that very interesting. It may prove to be beneficial."

Shit. That answer spoke volumes of trouble.

With that he backed away entirely and strolled up towards the dormitories without another glance back at me. I went to look to Marlene but she was already gone, probably up to the dorm to comfort Lily. Just hours ago we were all bickering at supper as always and now I was standing alone in the middle of the empty common room.

"What is going on around here?"


	2. Sense and Non-Sensibility

_Chapter Two: Sense and Non-Sensibility_

* * *

"I don't understand. Four days ago she was crying, now all of a sudden she's turned into a fiery ball of red hair and fury."

"Maybe that's how she grieves." Marlene responded, her monotone voice slightly irritating me as she calmly took down the notes that McGonagall was writing out on the chalk board. How could she not be concerned about this?

"She threw a hairbrush at my head this morning because I asked if I could use her shampoo. That's not grieving." I grumbled, slumping back in my seat.

"It's not like we all haven't wanted to do that before." Mary piped up from beside me, and I scowled at her general presence.

"Was I talking to you?" I inquired sharply.

Mary Macdonald was just one of my many lots in life. True, we were somehow friends, but honestly, the only reason for that was because we were forced to share the same dorm room for the past six, going on seven years. Either we became disgruntled friends or we brutally murdered each other. Given that the blonde psycho is kind of terrifying and would probably win in a match to the death with me, I decided to become her friend. Sometimes wise choices aren't always good choices.

"Freedom of speech," She replied flippantly, "I have rights."

"You also have the right to remain silent," I grumbled lowly, "don't see you exercising that lovely one."

She rolled her eyes at me, "You have a fundamental misconception of the law. And you're a muggleborn? Shame."

I gave a low growl and then went to snuff her while trying to quickly scrawl out the instructions McGonagall was writing out.

"Now, now, Mary," Marlene spoke, causing the both of us to turn back to her direction, "we've already agreed that we can't determine Jack's blood status."

"How Slytherin of you." I muttered, to which the girls on either side of me ignored.

"Right," Mary drawled, "forgot about how her being the bastard of an unknown man made her heritage sketchy."

" _Wow!_ " I exclaimed with fake admiration as I rolled my head over to give her a dirty look, "Sensitivity!"

She ignored me yet again, and continued to address Marlene. "Still, that's beside the point; she was raised like a muggle. Therefore, she should know her muggle laws." She paused to smile proudly at me, "as _I_ do."

"I call bullshit!" I claimed fiercely, and much louder than I had intended; whatever my intentions were exactly…

" _Miss Watson."_

Shit.

Why was it always me who ended up getting the crap for everything?

"Yes, Professor?" I asked timidly, slowly turning to look to the front of the classroom where my head of house was now standing, eyebrows raised high and her face impatient as she looked at me.

There was something undeniably scary about McGonagall; even scarier than Mary. Maybe it was the air of power she seemed to possess, or perhaps how high her eyebrows could raise when she was questioning you. Either way, you don't mess with that kind of scary.

"Care to elaborate on your sentiments?" She questioned, and the entire class turned to either glare at me or smirk.

Marlene and Mary, however, had their heads low and were copying out notes, looking like the perfect bloodiest students. Chits.

"No, I don't think that's necessary…"

"Pity, because I do." Her sarcasm was noted. "See me after class."

With that, she briskly turned her back to me and continued to teach the lesson while I heard sniggers around the classroom.

"Nice going, fuzz brain." Mary snorted, looking up from her notes briefly to give me one of her charismatic smirks.

Like I said; wise choices aren't always good choices. And vice versa for that matter…

* * *

After spending an hour after class with McGonagall going over proper classroom etiquette and civilized eloquence, I returned to the Gryffindor common room more than a little disgruntled.

"How many detentions?" Mary questioned from her place on one of the couches as I walked in through the portrait hole.

I gave her a side glare as I moved towards the dormitory stairs. "Bite me."

"Oh, and she's in a strop," She declared to the semi filled common area.

I flipped her off, not really caring at the moment if any first years saw, and continued on my way. My furious storming of the stairs was cut short though as stupid Sirius Black ran into me. Literally. I nearly toppled down the stairs.

"Will you watch where you're going?" I growled, fixating him with my glare as I tried to move past him, "Just because you claim to be God's gift to women does not mean you get to trample all over them."

"Actually, I've been looking for you everywhere," He said in response, a grin plastered on his obnoxious face.

This caused me to groan and lean against the stone wall next to me in exasperation. "I'm not in the mood to bitch at you today, Black. Can't I take a rain check?"

"No," He stated, before grabbing my forearm firmly and pulling me down the stairs after him before I could even say a word.

"Hey!" I objected, temper flaring at being manhandled. However, the black haired wizard ignored me and strolled straight through the common room casually with me struggling after him. "Let me go, you bloody wanker! This is harassment! I could sue!"

"Bye, Jack." Mary said calmly, not even looking up from the book she was now reading on the couch.

I need new friends. It's decided.

Black pulled me out of the portrait hole and into the corridor, paying no heed to the fact that I was still stumbling after him as he yanked on my arm. I was sure I would have bruises the next day.

"Have you lost your senses?!" I demanded, trying to claw at his vice like grip on my arm as we moved down some corridor. "This is kidnapping! Where the bloody hell are you taking me?"

I heard a grunt of annoyance from his end before he abruptly stopped, causing me to stumble into his back face first. I let out a squeal of pain as my nose connected with his surprisingly hard body. I then heard a sigh of exasperation and watched as he spun around back to face me, just as I brought my hand up to cradle my sore nose. "Can you not stifle yourself for more than five seconds? You making a nuisance of yourself isn't going to help me."

I gave him the stink eye over top my nose and hand. "And I would want to help you, why…?"

"Because," He explained, ever the detailed one, "I have a genius plan that will solve all of our problems."

I raised an eyebrow, "You're going to jump off the astronomy tower?"

His proud expression flattened at the hopefulness in my voice. He stared at me for a moment. "I really worry about what goes on in that cryptic mind of yours."

"Yes, it is a terrifying place indeed." I responded, "Now that we've got that settled; I'm going to supper..." I went to turn around and head in the opposite direction, but his hand came quickly back to my arm and tugged me right back. I stumbled, _yet again_ , into him and growled in annoyance. "Fine. How about this? Release me or you die."

"Yeah, whatever," He responded, before continuing his pleasant stroll down the corridor, me in tow behind him, "This is bigger than you or I, Watson."

I blew out a breath in defeat, not having the energy to argue with him anymore. Instead, I decided that I would find out what he was rambling on about, tell him no, and _then_ go to supper. If he still wouldn't leave me alone, I'd sock him. Seemed like a foolproof plan.

"And what, pray tell, is 'this'?" I appeased tiredly, following limply behind him as we turned around a corner.

We came to another abrupt stop before he could respond, and this time I managed to stop myself from crashing into him. I waited, rather impatiently, for him to explain. However, he did not care to elaborate, or even try to answer my question as he simply ignored me and raised his wand towards one of the paintings on the wall. There was nothing special about the artwork. Well, at least nothing to stop and admire anyway. It was a random painting of the underground catacombs in France. Black muttered something under his breath at the unmoving and eerie design, and before I could even think of what was happening, the boy moved forward _into the wall_ , taking me with him with a stifled yelp of surprise. The corridor disappeared from my vision and all I could see was black. The colour, not the idiot.

I completely froze. My mind ran in every which direction and I began to panic as silence and cold darkness surrounded me.

It's happened. The bastard's gone and killed me. Murdered me with a sodding _wall_.

I must have said my thoughts out loud as they were shortly followed by a dry voice speaking up next to me.

"Save the melodramatics, Watson," The tip of a wand lit up, allowing me to see Black standing beside me still, "You're not dead."

I squinted against the bright light next to my face and roughly pushed his wand down, "You bloody-"

I briefly saw him roll his eyes before he tugged my arm _again_ , effectively cutting me off as he continued to move forward into what appeared to be a narrow hallway, "stop your bickering and let's move. We're going to end up missing it if we don't hurry."

"Miss _what_?" I practically hissed, stumbling over my feet as I tried to keep up with his long legs. "Where in Godric's bleeding name are you taking me? And how the hell did we end up in here?"

"Secret tunnel, love." He said. "Now mind the rats; they tend to bite if you step on them."

" _WHAT_?"

* * *

Great, I was stuck in a dingy little secret tunnel with Sirius sodding Black as my only way out. That meant two things to me. One: I would be stuck for an inevitable amount of time in this place, and two; somebody would get bitch slapped by the end of the night if I didn't get my supper.

I really didn't understand how I ended up in these situations. It's not like I tried to seek them out. On the contrary, I actually tried to avoid them at all costs. However, they had a way of being sprung upon me, tackling me to the ground, and brutally sucking all the happiness from the surrounding world. It's quite the depressing scene to witness.

I turned to look back at Black who still had not moved from his spot from the wall. I didn't bother attempting to speak again after the fifth time he had shushed me when I even dared to open my mouth. Instead, I leaned moodily against the dirty wall behind me while silently planning his death.

Just as I was about to lose all hope of making it back in time for supper, the human hijacker spoke.

"Watson, get your arse over here, they're coming." He whispered hurriedly, and I raised an eyebrow in response.

"Who, the cavalry coming to save me?" I asked, before pushing off the wall and walking towards him.

Vaguely I heard him mutter something under his breath about bringing a muzzle or something next time. I ignored him and elbowed him out of the way to see through the peephole.

"This is an empty hallway, you dolt." I said, seeing nothing but paintings and empty armor in a torch lit corridor.

"Just listen," He huffed.

I resisted the urge to elbow him again and took another look around. Barely, I could hear a voice approaching.

"….fifth floor corridor was clear, we just have the sixth to do now."

I slowly watched as Potter and Lily moved into view, obviously doing their Head Boy and Girl duties of making sure no students were mulling around and causing trouble while all the teachers were down at supper. A place I should have been…. Normally the prefects did this job but since Lily had skipped out on rounds with Potter last week, she was now being punished by having to do this.

I turned briefly to Black and gave a clueless look. How he expected me to understand the delusions he had created in his head was beyond me. He gave me another impatient look and gave a nod back to the peephole. I let out a small growl of exasperation and returned my gaze to the people in front of us.

Potter was currently opening a classroom door to inspect the inside and Lily stood stonily in the hallway, looking as if she could dismember someone with the mere gaze of her eyes. Potter soon closed the door and looked to Lily and gave a little awkward nod to tell her it was empty. She didn't even look at him before moving past him and marching off to the next destination, leaving Potter standing there looking miserable. He ran a hand through his untamed hair before trailing after the supposed 'love of his life'. They left my field of view so I closed the peephole and turned back to Black.

He raised an eyebrow in question, "So…?"

"I have no idea what it is you are trying to convey to me, but if you don't tell me straight out in the next two minutes, I will be forced to hurt you." I replied in all seriousness.

"Did you honestly not see that?" He demanded.

"See what?" I asked incredulously, "Lily and Potter doing their jobs? Big whoop!"

"Merlin, you're more daft than I thought," He said before exclaiming, "James and Evans, Watson! They're miserable! Did you not pick up on that?"

I glared at him, "Of course I've noticed, you prick! I fail to see how this applies to me though; it's not my fault Snape and Potter are generally arses!"

If I was dragged down this godforsaken tunnel just for him to point out the obvious, I swear, blood would be shed. I could only stand Black for so long before I snapped.

"Don't you care about whether Evans is happy or not?" He questioned, looking completely frustrated.

"Of course I do!" I hissed, furious that he would insinuate otherwise.

"Then help me fix this!" He exclaimed, "You know Evans better than anyone else, and I know James better than anybody else! Together, we could make this work!"

I stopped short as I realized where he was going with this, "Wait, what are you saying here?"

"I need you to help me get James and Evans together."

"…"

"Watson…?"

I suddenly burst out laughing, causing the boy beside me to look momentarily concerned before his gaze turned into a glower. Now when I say I laughed, I mean like holding stomach, can't breathe laughing. Tears came to my eyes and I leaned against the grimy wall for support, trying to catch my breath, only to have another fit of uncontained hysteria overcome me.

"I'm glad you're taking this so seriously." Black said flatly.

I tried to focus on my breathing in between laughs, "Lily and James –you think –together? You know, I always thought you were off your rocker, but now I know you're a right nutter!"

"Will you just focus?" He asked, looking thoroughly unamused with my display, "This isn't a joke; I'm being completely serious. Everyone knows that he's mad for her and she just needs a little nudge!"

I calmed my laughter and snorted derisively, "A nudge? More like a push off the astronomy tower followed by a brief swim in the Black Lake. Possibly even a therapy lesson with Hagrid afterwards. Face it, gnomes would sooner learn to fly."

"Well that's where we come in," He interjected quickly, not at all put off by my little analogy, "With my charisma and brains, and your unconventional methods and knowledge of Evans, we could pull this off."

"Yeah, no." I stated, pushing off the wall. "Find somebody else to play cupid with you."

He grabbed onto my arm to stop me from moving, "Explain to me why this isn't a brilliant idea."

"Do you want it in an essay or point form?"

His face showed me he wasn't impressed. I let out a breath of air, "Your 'brilliant' plan, will only end one way: Lily will find out, strangle me, and continue hating Potter as always, causing the world to be set right yet again; minus me in it. So you tell me, Casanova, why should I risk my perfectly beautiful neck for an idea that is doomed to fail anyway?"

"It won't fail." He said simply.

"How do you figure that?"

"Because this is me we're talking about; all my plans succeed." He stated.

I rolled my eyes. "Careful, this space is too small for your ego, it might suffocate us."

"Besides," He continued, ignoring my comment, "If you help me with this, I'll be in your debt. Your own personal Marauder owing you a favor."

I raised an eyebrow at this. This was some serious shit. "And what exactly are you getting out of this deal?"

This was Sirius Black. There was no way he would attempt an impossible feat without gaining something for it. Then again, this was completely unusual for him anyway. He never enlisted outside help for one of his stupid ideas, and they never involved one of his friends. No matter what way you looked at it, it spelled trouble.

"I care about James, and I'm sick of hearing him mope over Evans." He shrugged, "Not to mention a scorned Evans as Head Girl will make for a pretty shitty year."

A scorned Lily as a dorm mate made for a pretty shitty year too... I thought back to the morning when she had thrown the hairbrush at me. Whatever; it still wasn't worth taking the risk of making her even angrier.

I opened my mouth to reject him again but he stopped me before I could even let out a syllable.

"Don't say anything yet, just think it over." He told me, "And just think, me in your debt. Half the girls at Hogwarts would kill to be in your shoes."

"And I'd kill you just to get out of this damn tunnel." I replied. "It doesn't make a whole lot of difference to me."

"You need help."

"Says the one who dragged me in here just to see Potter and Lily not talking for two minutes." I countered.

"How else was I supposed to show you?" He questioned, "You never see them together anymore unless they're doing rounds. Besides, I needed a safe place to discuss the plan with you."

"I honestly don't care. Now shut it and get me out. Supper is getting cold."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for the reviews, they make me smile! Yes, things are just getting started, the stage is being 'set' so to speak and the plan will be getting underway soon. This story is set outside of my House of Black series, but I may pop in a few hidden Easter eggs later on.**

 **-Fable**


	3. Low Expectations

_Chapter Three: Low Expectations_

* * *

"Jack, pass me another orange, will you?" Mary asked as she peeled her third orange onto her plate.

She was trying out yet another one of her 'healthy' diets that really only made sense to her. This time she refused to eat anything besides fruits and vegetables, hence her plate of just oranges for breakfast this morning. Something about it 'cleansing the digestive system of the impurities inflicted upon us by our greasy Hogwarts diet'. Yeah, no clue either.

I bit a large chunk of sausage off the end of my fork slowly, making sure she noticed. By her disgusted frown, I assumed she did. I finished chewing before attempting a question I figured would be probably futile. "Explain to me again why you're doing this?"

Cue the famous Mary MacDonald sigh of exasperation, "because while _some people_ -" cue pointed look at me, "-don't care about keeping themselves healthy and fit, I do. I want my body to stay this young and beautiful for as long as possible, and that requires effort. You get out of your body what you put into it, Jack."

I popped a forkful of fried egg into my mouth and chewed thoughtfully while staring at her, "…are you telling me you want to shit oranges?"

There was a moment of bewildered silence.

"How the hell did you survive evolution?" She demanded finally.

I snorted derisively while going back to my breakfast, "You're the one who wants to shit oranges."

"Merlin, will you just pass the bleeding thing!"

I tossed her the piece of fruit just as the owls started to sweep into the Great Hall for mail. As letters and parcels came falling from the air, Marlene plopped herself down next to me.

"So Lily wants you dead again." She told me casually, serving herself a plate full of pancakes, her words causing me to freeze in terror. Did Lily find out about mine and Black's conversation? If the insufferable arse got me into shit again I was going to murder him in his sleep. "I told you not to leave your towel on the floor of the bathroom, especially when Lily's in a mood. Thanks to you, I had to listen to her bitch all morning as she cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom."

Relief swept through me for a brief minute as it wasn't about Black, but then I paused in question. "Wait. What towel? I didn't shower this morning." I stated in confusion.

"Well it certainly wasn't mine, and Alice was still sleeping when I left. I swear that girl sleeps through anything," Marlene muttered, grabbing her mail from the owl that landed in front of her.

Well if it wasn't me, Marlene, Alice, and assumedly not Lily…

I slowly turned to look at Mary who was being uncharacteristically quiet for once. Seriously, the chit even talked in her sleep. The only time she ever stopped was if someone had put a silencing charm on her or if she was avoiding trouble.

She halted mid bite into a piece of her orange and glanced at me. "What?"

"Oh no," I proclaimed simply, "I am _not_ taking the fall for you. It's your turn to face her wrath! I-"

The inevitable argument was postponed as a bundle of letters was dropped unceremoniously on my head. I cursed in annoyance and looked up to try and spot the bloody buzzard that had dropped it. Before I could find my temperamental owl however, a large, fluttering thing of feathers and pink landed in front of me with a disgruntled hoot. I stared wide eyed at the creature before me, shocked into a horrified silence.

There before me, was my very large, very masculine, barn owl, covered in pink ribbons and- sweet merlin –was that glitter?

My mouth opened and closed, trying desperately to form words

"The bloody fuck is that?" Mary was always so eloquent.

"I think it's Atticus." I said finally in horror, watching the sparkling thing preen his decorated feathers.

I prodded him hesitantly, causing him to ruffle his feathers in annoyance, sending a cloud of glitter all over the table and us.

"Dammit!" Mary whined, trying to shake the sparkles off her oranges.

"What happened to him…?" Marlene ventured slowly.

I picked up the letters that had been dropped on my head and my gaze flattened when I saw the messy writing on the first envelope. "Aubrey is what happened to him."

Aubrey was my little sister. My adorable, yet evil, seven year old sister back home. Now would probably be a good time to mention my family situation…

Once upon a time there was just me and my mother living happily by ourselves. Cue the entry of Mr. I'm-Rich-Handsome-And-Widowed. Henry Palmer arrived into our lives when I was about eight, bringing with him a bubbly bundle of curly red hair and pure evil. This little spawn of his was three years older than me and named Olivia. I love/hate her as a stepsister and as a person, but more on her later… Our parents married after a year and eventually had Aubrey together, the youngest of our mashed family and so adorable that she has been adored and spoiled by our parents since. Don't get me wrong, I love the child and she can be an angel, but other times…

I looked to my owl who gave another huff as Marlene tried to untie the bows and ribbons.

I shook my head before opening the letters. Aubrey's nearly illegible writing described something about flowers and dresses and adding sparkles. Well that explained the owl… Mum wrote about how Olivia's wedding preparations were going, and how Aubrey decided to redecorate her flower girl dress much to the hysterics of Olivia. She ended with the usual, 'don't get into trouble, mind your teachers, and study hard! Love and miss you!'

The last letter was in a fancy blue envelope and I raised an eyebrow in curiosity as I opened it. Out fell yet another thing covered in glitter. I think my family has a serious problem.

 _Dearest Jaxiel Watson and Guest_

 _You are invited to the wedding of Olivia Palmer and Justin Burke._

 _Please attend for a day of wonder and love as two people join their lives together in front of family and friends. Ceremony will be held at the Crystal Lake Lodge, (see directions on back) at 2:00pm, December 27th. Please RSVP as soon as possible!_

"Cow." I muttered, dropping the glittering invitation back onto the table, "Who formally invites their own sister to their wedding?"

"A normal one…?" Marlene supplied.

"Your sister is getting married?" Mary snatched the invitation quickly, and brought it up to her ever nosy eyes, flipping it this way and that as she examined it. I shot her a sideways glare before helping Marlene clean up my owl.

"I told you that last year." I stated.

"December twenty-seventh?" She read. "Is this one of those Christmas themed weddings?"

"Apparently," I murmured, not wanting to get into the details of my stepsister's flamboyant characteristics around my so called friends.

Olivia had once tried to bedazzle our cat to look like the Queen on the Queen's birthday to show patriotism. Not only did Olivia end up needing stitches, but Mr. Dingleboo ran away that night, leaving only a trail of fur and fake pearl beads down the street. We weren't allowed another pet again until I got my owl for Hogwarts. This is why I don't invite friends over.

"What's this 'guest' thing about?" Mary continued to prod, "Do you have to bring a date? When was the last time you even spoke to a boy without making him cry?"

This is why I don't invite Mary over.

"It's probably just a nicety." Marlene injected for me as we finished our attempt to clean Atticus up and he flew away, probably to go hide in the rafters in shame.

"That's what you think," I huffed, taking the blasted invite back from Mary and shoving it in my bag, "It's another way for my darling sister to point out to the whole family once again that she has a guy and I'm still her 'Little Medusa'."

"And your family cares?" Marlene asked dubiously.

"Doesn't matter if they did because _I_ don't," I said simply and got up from the table as everyone in the Great hall started to leave for classes.

"Mhmm." Mary hummed, "Whatever you say. I'll keep my eye out for a guy who can look you in the eyes without turning to stone, kay?"

I shouldered my bag and turned my back to her, muttering something about 'go shit an orange' as I left for class.

* * *

Toned muscles glistened with sweat as they flexed in the hot September sun. Crystal clear eyes were piercing even from my place on the stands as the gorgeous player flipped his messy hair back.

Wesley Auric.

If there was ever a guy to bring to my sister's ridiculous wedding, it was him. The seventh year Ravenclaw was the captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, and the only guy in my year that was attractive, _and_ intelligent. If only I hadn't accidently put a boils hex on him in second year, ruining any chance with him that I could have had. He would have been so perfect…

I had taken my free period to stop and watch the quidditch tryouts rather than actually study, and since Ravenclaw just so happened to have the pitch at the time, I got to shamelessly ogle Auric for half an hour. They were however just finishing up now and the Gryffindor team was coming out so Auric put his shirt back on before he left, much to my dismay.

"Hello, love."

I shrieked out of my daydream as Black's insufferable head popped into my vision, destroying my fleeting yet wonderful thoughts of Auric.

"This is why people think you're unapproachable." He told me, taking a seat next to me on the stands.

My fiery gaze snapped to him as my heart beat slowed back down to a normal speed, "Will you leave me alone?! Go terrify small helpless animals or something!"

"Can't. Quidditch tryouts, love." He replied simply, pulling his quidditch gear out of the bag next to him and pulling on a pair of shin guards, "Isn't that why you're here? I hear the competition for chasers this year is low."

"You know there's a change room." I said, the sharp tone not leaving my voice, "And I'm not trying out for quidditch this year, I have my NEWTs to worry about. I told Potter that at the beginning of the year."

His look turned scandalized, "You're _leaving_ us? The betrayal!"

My look deadpanned. "You use to jinx my broom every year in hopes Potter would kick me off the team."

Hence why he ended up in the hospital wing in fifth year with a bludger to the head.

"Technicalities, love."

"I dare you to call me that one more time."

"You know, people would like you more if you weren't so bloody homicidal."

"Pity. What do you want, Black?" I demanded, still irked that he cut into my Auric daydreaming time. The Ravenclaw was long gone from the pitch by now.

"Your words injure me." He told me, shaking his head in shame, "Can't I just sit next to you without any ulterior motives?"

"And here I thought you were punishing me for say no to your stupid idea."

"Funny."

"I wish you were."

"I can feel my ego bleeding…"

"Really?"

"Well no, but I thought it was a nice sentiment."

Whatever pointless banter that was going to continue after that was cut off by approaching footsteps and a mass of red hair and rage. Lily.

"Oh hullo, Ev-"

"Shut it, Black." Lily interrupted, before those scary green eyes of hers focused in on me, "I've been looking for you everywhere."

 _Funny, I've been hiding from you everywhere…_

What had I done now? I hadn't seen her since this morning, and I'm pretty sure the towel incident got cleared up… Did I say Potter's name in her presence? Accidently bump her in the hallway? Breathe in her direction?

I couldn't voice my thoughts as she shoved a piece of parchment towards me. "This is yours."

What you may not realize at the current moment, is that Lily and I have been practically best friends since first year, both being muggle born and all. And surprisingly enough, she's actually a really nice and loyal person. _A majority of the time_. However, once she's scorned by something, she goes into this rage filled, psychotic mess that is pretty much unbearable to live with. Now a _hurt_ Lily that has _also_ been scorned, makes my 'Little Medusa' act look like child's play. Hence the creature before me.

All of us girls in the dorm decided to just appease her until she returned back to normal again, which she usually did with a sheepish apology. But appeasement can only go so far for so long…

I took the paper slowly while keeping my gaze on her crazed one, "And what is 'this'?"

"Our new dorm chore list." She said crisply, "Our dorm has been chaotic of late, and to avoid further disruptions and tears, I have come up with a solution. Your responsibilities have been underlined."

I flipped the parchment over incredulously, "a _chore list_?"

"Tears?" Black echoed, always a bit behind on the conversation.

"Don't you think you're being a _little_ eccentric with this?" I asked as carefully as possible, reading over the obscene writing in my hands.

Black leaned over my shoulder to read. "I think that having to 'dust the outside window ledge' is a perfectly reasonable request."

"Then _you do it_." I snapped back at him before elbowing him out of my personal bubble. "Lily, this is pointless. The house elves do three quarters of this for us already and nobody in their right mind would do the rest."

Her eyes narrowed into thin little slits. Well shit.

"What are you implying exactly?" She asked.

I sighed in exasperation. I didn't have the energy to deal with her at the current moment, all I wanted was to admire Wesley Auric while sitting peacefully in the sun, but no, I have to get pestered and then murdered instead.

"Nothing." I bit out finally. "Nothing at all. I'll read over the bloody list."

"Perfect." She said tartly, "I'll see you at supper."

With that she turned on her heel and left, leaving me glowering at a piece of parchment and Black gloating next to me. I hate my life.

Black started to open his mouth and I cut him off. "Not. A. _Word_."

He leaned back against the stands with a grin plastered over his stupidly handsome face, "I was just going to say that my offer is a hell of a lot better than dusting window ledges."

"At least I can pitch myself off said window ledge." I replied darkly.

"True," he replied and I watched as he stood up and shouldered his quidditch bag, "but that's generally frowned upon. I'll give you a bit longer to think on it, see if you won't change your mind. I can wait a bit."

"Do me a favour and hold your breath while doing it." I called after his retreating form.

"Always a pleasure, Watson." He chuckled back.

I stared forward again towards the pitch, my mood completely changed from when I first arrived on the stands.

"Well fuck."

* * *

"Rupert Evering? He's pretty."

"Yeah, pretty stupid."

"Fine. Fredrick Nosbly?"

"Isn't he the one who named his freckles?"

"Point taken… What about Malcolm West?"

"Doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

"It was _just a suggestion…_ "

I set down my quill to turn around and give the stink eye to the two people currently debating who my wedding date would be. "Knock it off."

Mary rolled her eyes, "I'm doing you a favor; you'll thank me later. Now, where was I?"

"West having a girlfriend." Marlene supplied monotonously.

"Right. Well how about Gavin Cloverton?"

I let out a growl and turned back to my notes, trying to tune the conniving two out. I only had a couple minutes left in Study Hall before supper and I wasn't about to let Mary MacDonald's match making schemes get in the way of me failing my NEWTs. A bit dramatic, you may say, but you haven't met the girl.

"What about the guy who asked her out in fifth year? The little timid one?"

"He transferred to Beauxbatons shortly after."

"Wait, blokes can go there too?"

"Merlin, you're so daft it hurts."

I turned around in my seat again, "I am _this close_ , to hexing you both."

" _Miss Watson_."

I gave a scandalized look to Professor McGonagall who was naturally in charge of supervision of the Study Hall that day. Did she completely miss the two chits having an entire debate behind me? Especially Mary who is as subtle as howler? Why do I always get picked on?!

I grumpily turned back around in my seat, muttering about bitter old cats as I picked up my quill again. Someone snickered a couple rows ahead of me and I lifted my head up and scowled as I was met with Black's smirking face. However, my scowl quickly stopped short when I saw who was sitting next to him.

Wesley Auric.

The two were sitting together, looking like long time buddies as they studied together. They never sat together. How had I missed this all of Study Hall? Oh right, I had bloody cupid sitting behind me. I watched in confusion and disbelief as Black turned forward again and said something to Auric, who replied back before looking towards me with a grin.

What. The. Hell.

Black was a dead man. Gone, I tell you, gone. The bastard must have seen me drooling over the boy today at the pitch and is now ruining my life with his newly acquired information. I didn't even want to imagine what ideas he was forming around Auric to use as leverage for me to join his bloody scheme.

I gawked on in complete bewilderment until I focussed in on the fact that somebody was jabbing me in the side with their finger.

" _What_?" I demanded harshly to Mary, my tone sharper and louder than it probably should have been.

" _Miss Watson._ " McGonagall's shrill voice sounded.

I shot a fake smile towards her before giving Mary a death stare.

She smiled cheerfully back. "Robert O'Donnel."

"What?" I questioned after making sure McGonagall wasn't looking.

"For your date." She replied back.

"Oh for the _love of-"_

"MISS WATSON," I jumped in my seat at McGonagall's outburst, _"Take your leave!"_

I was so pissed off by that point by the unfairness that is my life that I didn't even argue with the professor. I simple shoved my textbooks roughly into my bag and knocked Mary over the back of the head with my spare bit of parchment as I stalked out of the hall. The blonde gave a low squawk of protest but I ignored her as I left for an early supper. I swear, just one of these days I wanted that bint to get in trouble instead of throwing it on me.

Completely fed up with the day I had had, I decided that I would grab food and sneak back up to the Gryffindor tower and stay in the dorm till the morning came, or Lily killed me, whichever came first.

"Hey Watson, wait up!"

 _Conniption_ : noun, informal: a fit of rage or hysterics, often _conniption fit,_ i.e. Jaxiel Watson had a _conniption fit_ in the presence of one Sirius Black and he was never seen from again.

"Tone down the rage, love; I can feel your hatred."

The black haired wizard came to a stop next to me and gave his stupid grin.

I clenched and unclenched my jaw before letting out a strangled, " _what do you want_?"

"I figured I'd skip the last bit of studying to eat dinner with you," He replied, not even the slightest bit fazed, "Give us time to bond."

Breathe in, breathe out.

"And _why_ , on earth would I agree to that?"

"Well for one," He said casually, "Evans can't massacre you with a witness present."

"What?" I asked quizzically, momentarily confused out of my anger.

He nodded to something behind me. I turned and cursed under my breath as I saw Lily striding down the hallway towards us.

Bloody perfect.

I mustered up a smile as she came up to us, looking between Black and I curiously with her sharp gaze. Black stuck his hands in his pockets and looked between me and Lily. I decided to look at the fascinating speck on the wall by Lily's head.

"Don't you both have Study Hall right now?" She asked finally when nobody said anything.

Really, now she decides to pull the Head Girl card? Since when has she ever cared if I was wandering the hallways? Oh yeah, since Snape and Potter threw her knickers in a twist.

"Watson got kicked out and I'm skipping as usual." Black supplied helpfully before I could even open my mouth.

I hate him. I really hate him.

"You two have been spending a lot of time together lately." She said, surprisingly not mentioning the fact that I was kicked out of class, an act that seemed to personally offend her most times.

"It's an unfortunate occurrence." I muttered darkly.

"I see." She said cryptically, glancing between us again, "Well, five points each from Gryffindor for loitering outside of classes. Make sure it doesn't happen again."

My jaw dropped open and I froze in complete shock at her nerve. She simply continued her patrol down the corridor.

"Breathe, Watson," Black whispered near my head, "In, out."

And then the conniption fit erupted.

" _It is one sodding minute before the dinner bell! What is her bloody problem?_ "

She had never taken points from me before. I could understand that she was upset over what happened to her in the past week, but this was low. Yes, I had had a bit of a bad day, but I felt my anger was justified. I could only be used as a punching bag for so long before I cracked.

"Was a bit harsh, even for Evans." Black commented, still unfazed by everything.

Now I don't know what it was that made me hit my breaking point, whether Lily's recent actions or the collection of shit that had happened over the course of the day, but I had had enough. No, I probably shouldn't have based my decision off a fleeting moment of rage, especially one that altered the rest of my life so dramatically, but I like to think it eventually worked out the way it was meant to. Destiny, if you will.

"I'm in." I stated.

"What?" Black questioned absently, oblivious as ever.

Lily was already too far gone for me to ever piss her off further, and I refused to spend the rest of the year dealing with her. If there was a chance of getting her out of this faze, I was willing to take it. I didn't really think that it was possible for her to fall for Potter, but maybe this obscene idea of Black's would at least make her hate him less, in turn making her hate everyone else less as well. She simply needed a little kick start, and I was going to bloody give her one. And as a bonus, I'd have Sirius sodding Black owing me, and I was just sadistic enough to make him pay up.

Payback for Auric, you wanker.

"Your stupid scheme." I specified, my blazing eyes still locked on Lily's retreating back. "I'm in."

There may have been a slight fault in my logic, as I didn't see the possible scenarios that could happen and actually eventually did, but then again, I was Jaxiel Watson and this was Sirius Black; we didn't have time to ponder that shit.

* * *

 ** _A/N_ Hi everyone, thanks so much for reading! I know I haven't updated this story in awhile, but I was busy trying to finish my other series off so that I could fully put my mind to just one task. So now that I'm done with it, I fully intend to start working on this fanfic. Anywho, hope you enjoyed, please leave a comment if it fits your fancy!**

 **Thanks,**

 **Fable**


	4. Jack of Green Tables

_Chapter Four: Jack of Green Tables_

* * *

Needless to say, Lily was still so worked up and busy scaring small first year students to pay attention to the dorm situation, so us lovely dorm mates took the liberty of making a joint decision of burning the chore lists.

We roasted marshmallows over top the beautiful fire.

After explaining what a marshmallow was to Alice first, of course.

Life went on perfectly fine, and we even put a sticking charm on Mary's towel so it wouldn't leave the rack and inevitably end up on the floor, causing Lily to produce 'The Chore List II'. Mary was a little stroppy the first couple days that she came out with her clothes sticking to her like glue, but she really should have thought about that when she left the bloody towel on the floor in the first place.

Yes, we're still bitter.

We had returned to a livable state, but only because we bribed Peeves to frame small first years during Lily's spare time, effectively keeping her busy with Head Girl duties during said spare time, and away from our cowardly selves. Gryffindor pride is only deemed one of our qualities when Lily is Lily. Otherwise it's fair game and we can play as dirty as we want to. Plus we didn't tell Alice, who would have undoubtedly said no to the framing idea…

In the meantime, Black was busy harassing me with dumb questions about Lily and trying to get our plan going. We would randomly meet- 'randomly' meaning he would bombard me in hallways and Lily free rooms- and start discussing seemingly pointless facts about Potter and Lily. Not that we actually got anywhere with it, as we usually parted frustrated and wanting to maim something and/or each other. Well, at least I did. The problem was we both had very different ideas of how to go about things as we had slightly different motives and hopes for outcomes. So instead of being diplomatic and comprising like normal, sane people, we instead bickered, stuck our heels in, and were stubborn asses about the littlest of things. That is, until the legendary Alchemy class episode that Professor Crater never did quite fully understand.

I was writing letters back to my family in the Great Hall when Black first had his great epiphany for it.

"Snape."

"Come again?"

"We need to patch things up with Snape first."

I looked up from my letter and scrunched up my nose, "yeah, not following."

He let out a sigh and leaned towards me as if about to divulge some great revelation. "All of this leads back to him, right? Evans and Snape were all chummy for the longest time until he called her a mudblood. James was simply defending her when this all blew up."

I raised an eyebrow, "…what are you getting at?"

He leaned away again, "I'm saying, that even though Snape is a slimy git that deserves what he gets, he's standing in the way of our brilliant plan."

"Well I doubt Dumbledore would take kindly to you offing Snape, so what are you proposing we do exactly?" I asked, returning back to my letter.

"We need to smooth things over with Snape." He said simply.

"You? Smooth things over with Snape?" I snorted.

My quill was plucked neatly out of my hand, forcing me to swing my gaze back to the delusional boy next to me.

"Not me. You." He stated, tapping my quill on the end of my nose for emphasis.

I shoved the feather out of my face and brought my incredulous eyes back to his grey ones, "Are you _mad_?"

"What, you expect me to have a pleasant chat with him?" He questioned, "I jinxed the git's hair red and gold just half an hour ago."

"Unbelievable." I gave a look of disbelief before snatching my quill back.

"He won't be suspicious if you go up and talk to him; Evans is your best mate, of course you'd want to try and fix things." He tried, placing a hand over top my ink well so I couldn't dip my quill in. "What could it possibly hurt?"

My gaze flattened, "Oh, let's see: my skin, my bones, my neck, my reputation, my dignity, my pride-"

The black haired boy scoffed halfway through my listings, "Come off it, Watson, you're being dramatic. Take one for the team!"

Like we were a team. We were two psychotic cowards afraid of a certain red headed psycho and stuck with a sodding 'plan' to make said psycho less psycho. In case you were counting, that's a lot of psycho. The point being: we were not a team.

I grabbed my inkwell and slid it out from under his hand, all while shooting him a dirty look, "Why don't _you_ take one for the team? And stop touching my stuff!" I went to grab for my quill again but only grabbed at the empty table top. I snapped my gaze back over to Black and saw him twirling it in-between his fingers. I let a breath out slowly. " _Two seconds_ away from breaking your fingers _._ "

He rolled his eyes and dropped the quill back onto the desk, but covered it quickly with his hand again as I made to grab it, "You said yourself that Evans was only acting out because she's hurt."

He gave me a look, and I huffed out in annoyance at his unfortunately true point. He was trying to manipulate the conversation by using my friendship with Lily against me, and it was working. I couldn't deny that Snape and Lily being on good terms again would help get her out of her funk. However, the likelihood of him apologizing making a difference, was iffy. Especially after waiting so long after the incident. Not to mention, if it failed and Lily found out I talked to him, my strained friendship would take a swan dive.

"Snape isn't going to apologize." I tried.

"He will if Evan's best chum comes up to him crying about how upset his precious Lily's been."

"And _why_ would I be crying?" I demanded.

"Because you're her best chum, merlin, were you even listening?" He asked in exasperation, "Can't even pay attention for three bleeding sec–"

"Okay, okay," I interrupted in annoyance, "Say I even attempt this, how am I supposed to even approach him?"

Snape and I had never been enemies per se, but we weren't exactly friendly either. We had that healthy, 'don't make eye contact and pretend the other doesn't exist' thing going on for us for the past six years. And it worked remarkably well. He stayed to that side of Lily, and I stood to the other side. So voila, a perfect nonexistent pair we made. Therefore I genuinely figured Black's plan of making Snape and I have a chat about his atrocious and bigoted social manners, was going to put a rather heavy damper on our current relationship.

Black shrugged, "corner him."

Hahahaha, yeah no.

"Right," I drawled, while giving a sarcastic little nod at him, "Corner a snake, brilliant plan, no really, you should run for Minister one day."

Idiot. I shook my head in disbelief and returned my gaze back to my letter.

"I'm not saying to back the bloke up into a literal corner," He replied dryly, "Learn to understand imagery, Watson." I glared. "I mean go to him when he's surrounded by a bunch of his peers. The last thing he wants is a scene. I'll even set up the perfect scenario for you; all you have to do is show up and convince him to apologize. Be creative; use that scary little mind of yours."

He tapped my quill on my temple for emphasis.

" _Stop it!_ " I hissed, snatching the quill out his barmy hand and roughly slamming it down on the other side of the table so he couldn't reach it anymore.

Maybe he did have a point, and for the sake of not having to leave disgruntled and unproductive yet again, I was willing to consider it, if only to at least start somewhere with the stupid scheme. But I wasn't going to get nothing out of it when it didn't work out.

"Now listen closely, you sodding menace," I rounded on him, leaning in closely and whispering dangerously, "I'll attempt this sorry excuse of an idea," I ignored his indignant scoff, "but when it doesn't work out, _I_ get the final say on our next little escapade, and _you sir_ , are not going to stand on the sidelines; you're going to bleeding help. Are we clear?"

"You're so dramatic."

" _Are we clear_?"

"You get to play dictator next time, yes, got it. Are we all agreed now?" He asked, as if talking about the bleeding weather. I kept my narrowed eyes on him as I gave a curt nod. He gave a cheery grin in response before pushing back from the table and getting up to his feet. "Brilliant. I'll see you in class then."

I grumbled under my breath at him and turned back to my hopelessly neglected letter as he strolled back out of the Hall.

Wanker.

* * *

Nearly a week went by without any sign or word from Black, and I was beginning to think he had finally realized how idiotic his idea was. But apparently ignorance is a disease tough to beat. The day started out like any other: heading to class.

"Chocolate frogs?"

"Seventeen."

"Sugar quills?"

"Twenty-five."

"Berty Botts?"

"Eleven packages."

"Chocolate cauldrons?"

"Two."

"Fizzin– _wait,_ _TWO_?!" Mary turned to give a scandalized look at Marlene who was reading the numbers off a parchment in her hands as we made our way to class.

Marlene shrugged from beside me, "Lily's been binging."

I looked over at the list absently, "Scratch that to zero, Mar; I saw Alice sneak a couple out of the bin this morning."

Mary let out a high pitched gasp and snatched the paper out of Marlene's hands, "Well of course she bloody did! Bloody hell people! How are we supposed to survive until Hogsmeade weekend, when you lot keep gorging yourselves on our supplies?!"

Sweets were the common goodness that kept our small, mentally unstable dorm, from burning to the ground. Not even exaggerating. The whole 'Lily binging' thing? Yeah, more like she'd come into the room and the person nearest to the sweets would hand her a chocolate before she could even speak. For like three weeks straight and going strong. And it surprisingly worked, as every bint in our dorm had a wicked sweet tooth; yes, me included. It was pretty much our first solution to any problem. We were resourceful like that. So naturally, we made sure we were always in high stocks, hence Mary and Marlene going over our numbers before the first Hogsmeade weekend so that we could stock up.

"We could always eat like normal people for a few days." I commented, causing the blonde ahead of me to widen her eyes in horror and stare at me silently with one eye twitching.

The chit was born for theatre.

"Why do you even care?" Marlene injected, taking the list back from the psychotic blonde who was momentarily paralyzed in front of us, "aren't you on your diet still?"

" _I'm not going to be on it forever_!" She shrilled, breaking out of her stupor and shooting a classic MacDonald look that spelled out her disbelief. "Now tell me how much Treacle Fudge we have left!"

I vaguely saw Marlene roll her eyes before she flipped the parchment back to her gaze and read off the amount, "Eight squares."

"Four," I corrected before shrugging defensively, "What? I got hungry…"

" _Dammit Jack!"_

I quickly side stepped out of her path of rage and into the Alchemy classroom. Behind me I could still hear her stating her anger quite vocally to Marlene, but I ignored her and moved towards our usual spot. At least, I tried to. A seemingly steel handed grip came out of nowhere and latched onto the back of my shirt, nearly clotheslining me with my tie as I was forced to a very abrupt halt. I let out a strangled noise of protest as I was practically choked to a stop and tried to remain balanced as I snapped my head back around to give a scandalized look to the person who had stopped me.

A perfect set of white teeth grinned down at me, "Finally, you're here. All set?"

Seriously, was the attractive looks thing just a Black trait? I could never really tell with Bellatrix, as the constant scowl tended to ruin the effect, but Narcissa and Andromeda were begrudgingly gorgeous, as was Regulus, so maybe if was just unfair genetics. Either way, it was pissing me off more and more. Especially, when said trait was grinning down at me after trying to decapitate me.

" _Stop trying to kill me!"_

"Unknot your knickers and listen up," Black said, ignoring the fact that he nearly just about took my head off, "Stage one of our plan starts in five minutes, so pay attention."

I was momentarily distracted out of my bitterness, "Wait, what? _Now_?"

"It's the perfect opportunity," He replied simply as Mary and Marlene walked past us and towards our normal seats, giving curious looks as they went. Great, now I'd have to explain why I was chatting it up with Black. One nightmare after another I tell you… "Snape is here, you're here, Evan's not here, I'm here. What more could you ask for?"

I scowled at him, "How about a head's up?"

I could spot Snape at a corner section of the classroom as Gryffindors and Slytherins filed into the room around us, and I could see he was already working on some sort of project unsuspectingly. Honestly, class had just started, what could he possibly be working on?

Black was still talking to me but I had zoned him out as I looked at Snape sitting in the darker section, absorbed in his own little world. Around him were several Slytherins taking their seats on their side of the classroom, while the Gryffindors sat opposite of them. It was a tad pitiful how we refused to even be on the same side of the classroom as each other. It was like that for seemingly every Gryffindor/Slytherin class. However, this was the first time it ever really struck a significant note with me, as I realized Black expected me to break that timeless tradition. Like that would be subtle.

"I've changed my mind." I blurted out, interrupting whatever pointless information he was giving me.

His look turned instantly annoyed at my statement, "Where you even paying attention?"

I ignored him again, "I'm not talking to Snape here."

Professor Crater still hadn't made it into the classroom by that point, and students were still talking and making a fuss so we didn't have to worry about anyone hearing our conversation, but Mary had started to mouth undecipherable questions at me from her spot behind Black's body, distracting me as I tried to tell Black to shove it.

"It'll take two seconds." He tried.

"So will kissing my arse." I stated, and made to move past him, only to have him grab onto my arm and drag me back beside him. I huffed out in annoyance. "No."

"How bad could it be?" He questioned, raising a perfect eyebrow at me.

"When was the last time _you_ strolled up to the Slytherin side of the classroom and had a subtle conversation?" I demanded, "What do you expect me to do, hiss and hope they respond kindly by not killing me?"

I gave a hiss like sound for emphasis and crossed my arms over my chest.

He gave a flat look at my theatrics, "Impressive, but no. Now, I figured you would probably want to back out of this, so I prepared a little foolproof plan to assure you a chance to talk to the git."

I blinked. It was like a thousand and one ways to die in my imagination, featuring one Sirius Black. Ax, sword, dismemberment, French guillotine, Mr. Green in the dining room with the revolver…

" _What did you do_?"

The grin was back on his face and he placed an arm around my shoulder, apparently oblivious to his own massacre playing in my mind. "Partners, Watson; partners."

I looked up at him wide eyed, too horrified to shove his arm off, "Black-"

"Everyone take a seat, if you will!" Professor Crater's voice sounded as she came into the room and Black seemed to suddenly disappear from my side within seconds. I hated him.

"Miss Watson, take your seat," Crater repeated impatiently when I remained frozen for a minute, trying to process what had just happened.

I snapped out of my shocked daze and nodded faintly, slowly turning to go to my seat where Mary and Marlene were still staring at me questioningly. I looked beyond them to see Black sitting with the rest of the Marauders now, and watched as he gave me a cheery smile and a thumb's up when my gaze met his. I slowly lifted my middle finger up in response with the same mock cheery grin just before Marlene pulled me into my seat by the sleeve of my shirt.

I plopped miserably down into my chair and stared at Crater as she began to speak.

"The combined elements you procured last week have had time to settle," She told us, walking slowly around a table full of our finished projects. "And I am pleased to tell you they are ready for our final step before we move on to the next unit."

Alchemy was one of those electives that student's took just because the other electives sucked even more. Plus it was easy enough to bullshit and get at least an A in it. Care of Magical Creatures was the other one people liked as you pretty much got an E if you survived the course without a burn or bite mark, and at least an A if you never made more than three trips to the hospital wing because of a creature. I, however, spent a week in the hospital wing after a nasty Fire Crab accident in third year, so my other elective this year was naturally Arithmancy, the polar opposite. Ancient Runes was pretty much despised all around, save for Lily and Ravenclaws of course. Something about it being the more 'mind challenging class', yada yada. The point was, Alchemy wasn't a very difficult class, and therefore there was no reason why anyone should have ever feared failing a project in it. Until now.

If Black meant what he said, and he somehow found a way to make Snape and I partners, I was going to fail miserably. Not because Snape was shat at Alchemy, he was actually quite brilliant, but because Alchemy team projects generally required students talking to each other. Because if your partner has no clue what elements you used, you could involuntarily create a rather hefty explosion together and in turn receive a shat grade. Miscommunication always seemed to come back and bite you in the arse like that in Hogwarts…

"We're going to work now today on mixing these complex, compound elements while stabilizing them with the _inturbidus_ charm we learnt yesterday." Crater continued, "I've split the compounds you've made into pairs by testing to see which ones are compatible, so all of you should be able to receive a respectable result if you succeed in your combining attempt; so long as you work well with your partner."

Not bloody likely. And how could Black have ensured mine and Snape's compounds were compatible? Maybe he wasn't as brilliant as he thought he was, and I didn't have anything to worry about…

That thought quickly died away though, as I soon found myself standing awkwardly in the middle of the classroom, compound in hand as Snape and I stared at each other unflinchingly in disgust and horror as the notes on our compounds had matched together. How. How the bloody hell did that sodding, black haired git manage to put us together?

Snape finally gave one last scowl at me before turning in his seat to face his compound, effectively snuffing my presence. Peachy. Black was a dead man. I took a step forward towards him, just seeming to notice then that literally every other Slytherin was paired with another Slytherin, just as every other Gryffindor was paired with another Gryffindor, and the boundary between the two Houses was still separated by the center isle of the classroom. My observations made my dirty look drop flat and I muttered under my breath about 'sodding wankers' and their need to ruin my 'sodding life'.

I let out a frustrated breath and sat down in the seat next to Snape, who was still ignoring me. Which was fine, really, because at that current moment, every other Slytherin in the whole damn class looked at me instead. Apparently, according to their expressions, me sitting down in their side of the classroom was about as offensive to them as me spitting on their most favorited French poodle.

School rivalries apparently still exist even when you're in the scheming business. Go figure.

Even Professor Crater seemed to be shaking her head in confusion as to how we ended up together. She generally knew better than to mix Gryffindors and Slytherins together on projects, as most professors in Hogwarts did, and I could tell by her expression that she was trying to figure out how this had slipped past her. I also noticed at that point, that there were two compounds left on the table at the front of the classroom. Two students were missing.

My eyes widened in realization that Black must have somehow gotten a Gryffindor and a Slytherin student to skip class, well, more likely gotten a Gryffindor to skip and trapped a Slytherin in a broom closet somewhere. I knew this because every other day, the houses were evenly numbered, hence no inter house bonding. The bastard had done his homework. This ensured Crater having to make two different housed students to work together. And no, that was not giving Black too much credit. The last time a Slytherin and a Gryffindor worked together, was five years previous, and an entire classroom burnt down in the process. Professors generally made sure that type of shit didn't happen again. Unless of course a mistake, or an unmistakably, horrid person, messed with the planning.

I made a mental note to stab Black later.

"So…" I said carefully, once the stink eyes from the green table population died down.

Snape simply ignored me, his long curtain of black hair shielding his face as he poured over a textbook with his compound next to it. Lovely character; could see already that we were going to be best mates for life.

I carefully pushed my compound out in front of me and then tapped lightly on the desk top in front of me in awkwardness. A girl in front of me turned around and gave my tapping fingers the death glare. I slowly brought my hands up in surrender, and watched as she huffed and turned back around again. Festive people, I tell you.

I heard a cough from across from me and turned to see Black, who was partnered with Pettigrew, giving me a, 'hurry up already!' look. I narrowed my eyes at him. Yes, because making chit chat with a mute was _so easy_. I discreetly flipped him off yet again for good measure and turned back to my wonderful, hate filled, silent partner.

"So Snape…" I continued, trying to keep my tone pleasant, "How's… stuff?"

I heard a light slap sound and could tell Black had brought his hand up to his face in hopelessness. Snape just continued along with his mime studying act.

I pursed my lips, "So…" I apparently like to start all my sentences with 'so'. "What's your compound made of?"

This time he actually moved and grabbed my compound out from in front of me and brought it into his rather restricting personal bubble.

I raised my hand pathetically to try and stop him from taking it, but retreated just as quickly. There was no point in trying to stop him. At least he wasn't completely ignoring our team project now.

"Just be careful with it," I said uselessly, watching as he vaguely looked at it in mild distaste before dropping it carelessly back on the table, "that's ember stone…"

Heeding my advice wasn't his forte it appeared, as he took a knife, and to my horror, stabbed it right through. I opened my mouth speechless as he inspected it and then scratched something down with his quill on a piece of parchment.

"This is solidified chlorohild, you babbling halfwit." His low, precise voice stated.

I think I preferred it better when he ignored me.

"No, it's not, I think I know my own-" I stopped short after he shoved it back at me and I noticed that the solid piece of compound was green through the mark he had stabbed it through, not a glowing red as it should have been with an ember stone.

I snapped my gaze over to Black in a seething gaze. He switched my project with someone else's and put my name on this sodding piece of compound. No wonder Snape seemed so unimpressed with it. Solidfied chlorohild was one of the easiest and most boring pieces of compounds you could possibly make.

By this point I was thoroughly pissed off by the whole situation and wanted nothing more than to bash Black's head in repeatedly, so I threw caution to the wind and turned back to Snape who was currently filling a cauldron with the two compounds and muttering random spells at them.

"Okay, look here, you condescending little arse." I started, ever the diplomatic persona, "I frankly don't give a shit about this assignment anymore. What I do care about, is how miserable Lily's been since you decided to go full arse. So how about we skip this little bigoted phase of yours, and you go apologize to her?"

He froze completely the minute I said Lily's name, and now he seemed to refuse to move an inch as his wand hovered above the cauldron, eerily still. I had said the words lowly enough so that nobody else could hear me, but he acted as if I had screamed them in his ear.

I huffed out a breath, "Oi, Snape, you still following me here?"

He seemed to realize himself then, and he snapped out of his trance and finished muttering the spell he had been casting over the now steaming cauldron in front of him. I watched him, somewhat annoyed and somewhat curious, as he snapped his textbook shut, his hair still covering most of his hardened face. He suddenly turned to me, almost startling me, his face a mask of cold anger.

"You know perfectly well how that story ends. It would do you well to keep your infantile nose out of matters that are none of your concern." He all but hissed lowly, "You have what you wanted, learn some decency to not flaunt it like an irritating toddler _, and leave me out of it_!"

With that, he stood up, leaving me completely speechless, and left the classroom. I sat momentarily stunned. I was not expecting that reply. I knew Snape could be snarky and cold, but for some reason I almost expected him to be less… scary. Maybe he did care about Lily more than we all thought, or maybe he really was just an arse that was scary to everyone. It was hard to tell, and the whole thing was giving me a headache. But if he was going to be so stubborn about it all, I wasn't about to go out of my way for his friendship with Lily. Either way, Snape was going to be no help with this Lily thing.

I looked back to the cauldron on the desk, remembering that the bitter git had just left me with the assignment all by myself, but I was shocked yet again when I looked into it.

The steam had died away and glass like liquid was left inside looking flawless. It was perfect. The complex compound was made and stabled to perfection, it would just need to be cooled and formed afterwards. Others were still trying to figure out how to put their compounds together safely.

"Well done!" Crater exclaimed in surprise, suddenly beside me and scaring the shit out of me with her presence, "I sense an O for you and your partner!" She all but sang, more exuberant than she had ever been with me before. "Where _is_ Mr. Snape?"

The oblivious professor continued to gush and remark on the complex compound and I slowly turned to look at Black who gave me an unimpressed look about the Snape situation. Like he could do any better with the bloke.

The rest of the class continued on with their work, and I slouched down in my seat and stared forward, refusing to look at our, or more like Snape's, perfect assignment.

* * *

"Oi, Watson!"

"Not in the mood, Black." I responded in monotone, pushing through the swarm of students in the hallway to get away from him, "Your epic plan failed, now leave me alone to figure out our next step."

I had left the classroom at the first chance I got, knowing that Mary or Black would be hunting me down afterwards demanding answers.

"My plan was perfect," He scoffed, trailing behind me and trying to keep up as I sidestepped around a group of giggling fourth years, " _You_ messed it up. What the bloody hell did you say to him to make him so pissy?"

It was my turn to scoff and I looked over my shoulder briefly to give him a dirty look, "I did exactly what you told me to do; told him she was miserable, and he huffed and puffed, and blew your plan down the drain."

"And suddenly he's the big bad wolf?" He questioned, his grey eyes taking on a perplexed look as he caught up to me.

I paused slightly, "I actually didn't think you'd get the muggle reference."

"Remus educates me." He shrugged, "Let's just say he has a thing for wolves."

"You act like I care." I said in mock sweetness, before turning and moving down the hallway again, "Face it, Black, you're not as top shelf as you think you are. Admit defeat and get over it."

He grabbed onto my arm, an act that seemed to be becoming a habit for him, and stopped me in the middle of the bustling hallway, "As soon as you admit that you're not putting you're all into this."

I turned to look at him with an eyebrow raised, going into battle mode. "Not putting my all?" I demanded, jabbing him in the chest with my index finger, "I sat with the bleeding Slytherins, risked a failing mark-"

"You got an O, Watson." He commented and I ignored.

"-talked to Snape in a crowded classroom," I continued, "pissed him off, and all while you sat pretty for an hour!"

With that I spun back around only to nearly trip over a first year trying to whiz by.

Black casually stabled me with a hand, "Glad you noticed how pretty I am, Watson. Now what did Snape say?"

I rolled my eyes and grumpily looked back to him, knowing I was momentarily trapped in the overpopulated hallway with him. "He told me to 'sod off' in a very eloquent and demeaning way. I was quite touched by it, really."

"So it's a definite no with Snape?" He confirmed.

"Well you could always try asking him." I supplied helpfully, to which he gave a dirty look.

Ask a stupid question…

"I'm starting to understand why you and Evans are friends; you both take some sort of sadistic pleasure in a Marauder's pain." He stated dully.

"Then why bother with this plan in the first place?" I snorted, amused by the accuracy of his statement. "Why do it if you don't even like us?"

"I'm doing it for James; there're some things you just do for a mate." He replied simply, then smirked in after thought as he surveyed me, "I'm allowed to have my own opinions though."

"Well don't expect me to take those 'opinions' to heart." I advised with a low laugh of distaste.

"Oh I don't, that would require you having one." He quipped, and I narrowed my eyes at him as he smiled cheekily and went to walk away.

I'd show him heart.

I let out a sudden gasp of horror. Black's head absently turned back to look at the sound, the smirk slowly fading from his face.

I reached out and gripped onto his shoulder with one hand while gasping for breath, causing the boy's eyes to widen with panic, " _Watson?!_ "

" _The_ Sirius Black," I wheezed dramatically, "thinks I'm heartless!" I clutched at my blouse with my free hand. "Oh the horror! I may die from his mighty opinion of me!"

Black's gaze flattened as he realized I was just making a scene and he shoved my hand off his shoulder, "Bint."

I collapsed to my knees while still in character, causing students to pause slightly and stare in the busy hallway. "The light is fading! Oh sweet merlin! I can't handle this rejection!"

"I hate you."

Hogwarts didn't have a drama class, or really any regular muggle type of class for that matter. We had a choir, not that anybody actually knew why. They just sort of randomly got together and sang weird songs occasionally, making everybody go, 'oh yeah, we have a choir', but that was basically it. The point is, should anybody like to express themselves through art, music, or shall we say 'drama', we had to improvise with what we had. Exhibit A, for example…

"Oh the agony! Agony! Spasm! SPASM! SP-" Black abruptly jerked me roughly from the ground by my arm. I stumbled into a standing position and beamed up at him when I focussed in on his completely unimpressed face. "Yes, my glorious hero?"

"Have you made it your mission to make my life a living hell?" He demanded, while shooting fake smiles at the people walking past us to reassure them that there was nothing to see.

I dusted off my skirt casually, "I like to think of it as more of a personal life goal."

He simply stared at me for a moment with the same flat expression.

"James owes me big." He muttered finally before stalking off.

"Excited to work with you too!" I called after him.

Never mess with a witch.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews from the past chapters, I love hearing from you guys, seeing what you found funny, what you thought wasn't; it really helps me develop as a writer. Next chapter will hopefully be out this month, sneak peak quote that inspires next chapter's title and theme: _"I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine." - Jane Austen_**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **-Fable**


	5. Pride and Padfoot

_Chapter Five: Pride and Padfoot_

* * *

Distant yelling creeped into my Saturday morning dreams and I burrowed further into my warm comforter with a low moan, pressing my face under my pillow. The weather had begun to get a bit of a chill in it lately as we neared the end of October, and there was nothing better than to hide from it in a cozy bed. If only my roommates agreed.

The sound of a door being thrown open against a wall rang clearly through the peaceful atmosphere of the room and I groaned in annoyance, trying to dig deeper into my covers.

"I didn't take your SODDING ESSAY!"

Who needs alarm clocks when you have Mary Macdonald and her impressive vocal ranges to wake you up in the morning?

"Well it WAS on the desk last NIGHT! Right where I found all YOUR witch weekly magazines this morning!" Of course Lily's shrieking range was quite impressive as well….

" _Shmudup…_ " I grumbled from under my pillow, curling up into a ball.

The problem with morning people, was that they never could wait until normal waking hours to sort through their issues. They always had to bother everyone else with their shit, ignorant of the fact that weekends meant 'only time to sleep' to the rest of the general population.

"Obviously you should keep a better eye on your stuff then!" Mary was yelling back, and I could hear them stomping around the dorm, their angry footsteps rattling my bed frame.

"Maybe if you would stop touching my stuff, I wouldn't HAVE TO!"

"Maybe if you stopped acting like a crazy BINT!"

I growled, unable to block the screeching two out, and lifted my foggy head out from under my pillow and narrowed my blurry eyes to spot them in the room. Lily stood, arms on her hips, fiery red hair in a perfect braid, and green eyes flashing dangerously at her target. Mary was less put together, still in jogging attire from her run that morning- honestly, who gets up early on the weekend to go running- and her arms flailing everywhere as she continued shrieking at the murderous red head. I flopped my tangled and bed-messy ponytail out of my face and glanced over to Marlene's bed. The girl was sitting up, staring at the fight as well while desperately looking in need of a coffee. Alice slept on.

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT BLOODY IS!" Mary finally exploded.

I flinched.

Marlene yawned.

Alice snored.

"THEN YOU'RE GOING TO BLOODY FIND IT!" Lily was never one to be daunted by screaming, psychotic blondes. Gryffindor courage and all that shit. " _You_ lost it, so _you're_ finding it!"

Normally when one of these episodes went down in the dorm, we would place bets and eat sweets while cheering on whoever we thought would pummel the other. However, we all got bored of Lily winning all the time and instead just gorged ourselves on chocolate till it blew over. But on a Saturday morning, after being rudely awakened by the kraken and its mind deformed stepsister, there was nothing to do but grumble on in annoyance.

Mary's chest puffed out, looking like she was barely staying sane, "Oh, I'll find it alright!" Her eyes gleamed viciously, "Because when I do, I'm going to set the sodding thing on FIRE!"

Marlene and I then watched dumbly as Mary began rummaging through papers lying around like a psycho as Lily gasped out in indignation and went after her, screaming something undecipherable.

And that's how I spent my first few minutes awake that Saturday morning. It continued liked that- Mary flinging papers she found into the air, Lily shrieking after her, Marlene and I watching and Alice still not waking up- until finally there was a sudden halt.

"I'LL SET IT ON TOP OF YOUR BLEEDING BED AND LIGHT THE SUCKER ON– Oh, look," Mary abruptly straightened with a surprised face, knocking Lily over in the process as she held a sheet of parchment in hand, "I actually found it…"

Marlene raised an eyebrow and I flopped back onto my bed with a groan. I blew the loose strands of dirty blonde hair out of my face and looked back to Mary and Lily from my new upside down position.

Mary looked at the parchment in wonder and Lily quickly snatched it roughly out of her hands while she was still in a daze of shock. I looked on as Lily gave Mary a withering look before turning back to her prized essay.

"I knew you lost it somewh– wait– _WHO WROTE ON IT!_?" I think you could actually see her eyes bulge out of their sockets and her hair burst into flames. I'm honestly surprised a window didn't shatter at this point.

"Oh right…" Mary said slowly in realization, "Forgot about that…"

The way Lily's head snapped towards Mary again was so fast I almost cringed, "' _Meet me in the Great Hall tomorrow morning'_? YOU DESECRATED MY ESSAY FOR A HOOKUP?!"

Mary never really learnt. She was one of those people who didn't care what other people thought or did, and just did her own thing regardless. Which in a way is great, don't get me wrong, self esteem is a wonderful thing to have… Mary, however, took that to the nth level. And she was scary enough in her own way that she could get away with it. People generally didn't mess with the beauty, brains, and psychoticness that is Mary Macdonald. Unless of course you're Lily. In that case you can be batshit insane and go toe to toe with whomever you please.

Mary scoffed, apparently oblivious to her impending demise.

"I don't hookup in the Great Hall, you chit." She stated, attitude to the max, "I wrote it down for Jack."

I blinked, raising my head up slowly from the bed and propping myself up with my elbows, "Wait, what?"

Mary waved her hand airily as Lily still glared at her, "Black was looking for you last night in the common room and asked me to pass on the message. I came up to tell you but you were in the shower so I wrote the message on the closest thing I could find."

A message she never bothered to give to me anyway. Born secretary that one.

I rolled my eyes and then promptly froze when I saw that Lily's dagger shooting eyes were now on me.

Oh, hello.

"You're meeting up with Black?" Her icy voice questioned, " _Again_?"

"Uh…" My most intelligent word of the day.

Mary practically flounced over onto my bed and plopped herself down, evil smile painted across her face. "Yes, Jack, do explain what is happening between you and _the_ Sirius Black. I'm sure we'd all _love_ to hear about that."

I kicked her unceremoniously off the bed.

Bint always knew how to direct the flow of attention to wherever she needed. Because of her blabber mouth, the essay was momentarily forgotten, and I was in the blinding spotlight. Now everyone in the room, except for sleeping beauty in the corner, was looking at me, waiting for me to respond. Two minutes ago I was calmly watching Mary and Lily turn the dorm upside down, and now I had this scary red head looking at me like I was undesirable number one. Go figure.

Though I was kind of expecting this conversation to happen a lot sooner than it did. It had been over a month since Black first dragged me into that sodding tunnel and my lovely friends were only finding his varying presence in my life odd now.

"Why are you meeting Black?" Lily questioned again as Mary squabbled indignantly out of my line of vision.

I turned back to Lily, "What's it to you?"

Her green eyes narrowed even further at me, but it was Marlene who spoke up.

"You have been seen with him a lot lately, Jack." She said, out of bed now and brushing her hair casually, "Especially considering you've hated his guts for the past six years."

"Who said I hated him?" I asked defensively, desperately wanting to leave the room now.

"Sixth year, and I quote," Marlene replied in monotone, "'If I ever have to see his smug face again, I'll hang him by his toes off the astronomy tower and watch contently from Hagrid's hut as his body decays and he's eaten by threstals.'"

"Bloody hell, Jack; that's disgusting…" Mary piped up from somewhere off the floor.

Lily raised a single eyebrow at me, waiting for me to respond still.

Shit. I needed to figure out a better cover for this stupid scheming thing. I didn't even have quidditch with Potter and Black anymore to blame my time with him on that. Time to bullshit. At least more so than usual…

"Technicalities." I waved off, "He's helping me with Transfiguration,"

Such as turning Lily into Cinder-sodding-ella.

It was actually a somewhat believable answer, as all the Marauders were kings of transfiguration. They did alright in their other classes, but they blew everyone else out of the water in transfiguration. We'd say that they're all cheating somehow, but in McGonagall's classroom, you don't get away with that shit. So somehow, they were just amazing at the subject while everyone else struggled with the admittedly hard course. Hogwarts was not built to make sense.

"You hate Black." Lily restated, a muscle in her jaw twitching, "Why not ask me for help instead?"

Because you've turned into the Wicked Witch of the West? Out loud I said, "You haven't exactly been available of late. I needed to find someone, and Black knows his shit no matter how much of a git he is."

Something flickered in Lily's green eyes, and it wasn't the shadow of murder for once. It was a glimmer of how the old Lily use to look when she felt uncertain of something. Something I had said made her halt and think for a split second.

She was shocked. I was asking an enemy for help instead of her and it made something within her stop and return to her old self for a minute. I looked at her in confusion as this realization came to me. If only I could surprise her even further and break this fury of hers. She'd need to be so stunned by something, something so absurd, like-

Wait.

An epiphany erupted within me.

Lily on the other hand, shook herself quickly out of her brief stupor, and her fixed glare came back to rest on me.

"I see." She replied coolly, and jinxed the message off her essay with a flick of her wand. "Excuse me."

And with that, she turned around and walked back out of the dorm, the door slamming shut behind her.

Mary's head popped up from the end of my bed, "The bloody hell was that all about?"

I threw a pillow at her head, to which she made her complaints colourfully known, and I shoved my covers off myself as I stumbled out of bed. I staggered to a standing position and grabbed my threadbare housecoat from off my trunk, pulling my arms into it haphazardly.

"I wouldn't go after her, Jack." Marlene commented as she made to go into the bathroom, "She'll eat you alive after that episode."

"I'm not going after Lily," I muttered, stumbling past Mary who was still grumbling on the floor, "I'm going to breakfast."

I watched Marlene and Mary share a look. "Riiiight."

I rolled my eyes and slipped into Alice's slippers, the only shoes I could find in my rush, and pulled open the door to the stairwell.

"Totally a hook up…" I heard Mary whisper to Marlene just as I swung the door shut behind me.

Bints.

I made it to the Great Hall in record time, despite my still somewhat asleep self, and many concerned looks from multiple students, and spotted Black and the rest of his goons at the Gryffindor table. Black and Potter were both dressed in their quidditch uniforms, looking barely awake with the rest of the Marauders as they must have gotten up early for quidditch practise. I made my way over to them, nearly taking out a first year who got in my way, and collapsed into a seat next to Black.

"I figured it out!" I declared, landing on the bench next to Black ungracefully.

The Marauders all jumped at my sudden presence and Pettigrew nearly fell off his seat as Black let a string of curses fly out, "Merlin, woman-"

"We need to shock her," I continued, ignoring the ruffled boys around me, "Shock her socks off!"

There was blinding silence at the table for a minute before Black leaned in to peer at me, his grey eyes squinting at my face, "Are you high?"

"What? No!" I said indignantly.

"You look like you just got ran over by the Knight Bus…." Black commented, leaning away again with a doubtful look.

My face fell into a scowl and it was then that I noticed the slightly concerned looks the Marauders, and most of the Gryffindor table population, were giving me.

I looked down at my attire and my gaze flattened.

So I wasn't one to wake up looking like I had slept on flower petals, but who did? Mary and Lily don't count…

I rearranged my nearly falling off housecoat over my pajamas that consisted of a ratty muggle rock shirt and pajama bottoms, and smoothed down my disastrous hair while hiding Alice's hippogriff slippers under the table. And yes, the slippers were adorned with wings and everything. What can I say? The chit was eccentric just like everyone else in the blasted dorm.

Black noticed this and snorted over his cup of coffee, "Nice slippers, Watson."

I narrowed my gaze at him.

"This is who you have helping you with Lily…?" Potter spoke up slowly.

So the Marauders did know about the plan. Good, made my job that much easier.

"You mean the one who's about to blow this operation straight out of the water?" I demanded, turning to Potter, "Yes. Yes, it is. Now, listen up you wankers-"

"Aren't you chipper in the morning." Black commented dryly, "Merlin, I ask you down here to inquire politely about your progress on the plan and you go sodding berserk on me."

I snatched his coffee cup out of his hand, ignoring his sounds of protest as I downed a sip of the glorious caffeine. I set it back down with a 'thunk' and smiled cheekily at him.

Black gave a disgusted frown at my actions, "That's now your cup…"

"As I was saying," I continued, "We need to shock Lily out of this phase she's going through. If we can get her to snap out of this craze of hers, she'll realize that her mood is affecting others and come back to her senses!"

The Marauders looked back dubiously. Well, most of them did, Lupin looked vaguely amused.

"Astounding observation, Watson. Now how do you plan on doing that exactly?" Black questioned, getting another thing of coffee lazily.

"Glad you asked." I replied, getting straight to business, "By doing the most shocking thing Hogwarts could ever imagine."

This seemed to peak their interest.

I leaned forward and motioned for them to do the same. They all shared a hesitant look amongst each other, as if debating whether I was sane enough to be around, before leaning forward slowly.

"People are staring at us…" Pettigrew whispered, peering cautiously over his shoulder.

Potter slapped the back of his head absently to shut him up while looking expectantly at me, "well? What's the most shocking thing that we could do at Hogwarts?"

I smiled slowly, "Not 'we', Potter, _you_."

"What's that supposed to mean?" The brown eyed wizard questioned.

"Spit it out, Watson." Black growled in annoyance.

Patience of a gnat, I tell you.

I kept my eyes on Potter though, "You're going to ask a girl out, that _isn't_ Lily."

* * *

 **Dun dun duuuuun.**

 **Thank you so much for the support! Next chapter hopefully out soon!**


	6. The Taming of the Redhead

_Chapter Six: The Taming of the Redhead_

* * *

"You're going to cause a disaster."

"You sound almost proud." I commented, absently responding to the boy as I worked on an essay in the Great Hall. This seemed to be our usual meeting place now. 'Meeting place' as in where Black would find me and bug me nonstop about our plan.

He tossed an apple back and forth between his hands in boredom. Did he never study?

He shrugged, "I'm stunned by your dark side more than anything. Also, James doesn't seem to approve of the idea."

"He's just too head over heels about Lily to want to ask another girl out." I replied simply. "Besides, you're the ones wanting this plan to work; you should be supportive."

He caught the apple and then raised his hands up in surrender, "Complete support. So long as it works. Elsewise, I say your plan was useless and I knew all along not to mess with Evans."

"Wanker." I muttered.

I knew Lily better than anyone. I knew the caring, loving person within the monster, and now knew exactly how to break through to her. Much as Lily would deny it, Potter always going after her was almost a calming constant in her life. Seeing Potter with someone else would be the final push to show her the world wasn't going to revolve around her frigid self, and she would snap out of it. In theory, yes, but I felt confident enough. Besides, if Lily was telling the truth about Potter never making a difference in her life, then she wouldn't care and this entire scheme was for naught and no harm done.

"So who's this girl you say you have in mind?" He questioned, seeming to refuse to leave me alone in peace to do my homework.

"Do you not have anything else better to do than annoy me?" I asked calmly, shooting a glare at the apple he had resumed tossing back and forth.

"Not particularly, no." He quipped, shooting me his 'swoon worthy' grin, to which I frowned at, "Now who's the girl?"

"Florence Thorn." I grumbled, going back to my paper.

Vaguely I heard his apple drop onto the table and the sound of him choking on his own spit.

" _Thorn?"_

Okay, so quick little trip into the mind numbing details of Black's disgusting love life. Thorn and Black dated for all of two days back during fifth year as Black was known for his impressive 'less than a week' dating rituals. The catch, however, was that Thorn was also known for not keeping blokes for long either. Imagine the female version of Black, except crueler, intelligent, but roughly the same ego size. The girl was a transfer from Beauxbatons, looked like a model, and was in Ravenclaw; equivalating to a French goddess with actual brains. So naturally when Black turned out to be the first person to ever dump _her_ , she took it badly. Badly meaning she turned his hair into poison ivy and had a conniption fit in the Great Hall. Hogwarts pretty much tore the roof off about the whole ordeal and Black was covered in rashes for a week. Those were good times.

"Yes, Thorn." I replied, glancing over at the still coughing wizard next to me.

He gave me a look of horror, "Are you _crazy_? Thorn is batshit!"

I rolled my eyes in exasperation and turned away from my essay to address the boy next to me fully, "Look, she owes me a favour, isn't going to get attached to him like some other poor girl, and she's got a thing against Lily anyways so she'll agree to going out with Potter just to spite Lily."

"That has got to be the worst reasoning in the world." He stated, face going into a glower, "You're doing this just to spite _me_ , aren't you."

Well I had to say it was a bit of a bonus to watch Black squirm over Thorn…

"No," I said honestly though, "She's the best girl for the job, and she'll agree to it. The Slug Halloween party is in only a few days and we need someone who will act as his date and won't cause problems. She's already invited to the party and can take Potter as her date to make Lily jealous."

"And what makes you so sure we can trust her?" He demanded, leaning in closer and looking at me suspiciously, "what exactly did you do for her that earned such a big favour?"

I scratched my ear awkwardly and looked back to my homework, "I may have caught her snogging a guy in an empty classroom…"

He twitched his nose, "So? I hear that's a common occurrence."

I made a popping sound with my mouth and stared down at my paper, "it may have also been a third year Hufflepuff she was making out with…"

Seventh years and third years usually didn't mix, and considering Thorn's reputation, to go be caught snogging a third year was like social suicide.

There was silence for a minute before Black let out a bark like laugh, "Are you _serious_? Thorn, _Florence Thorn,_ was making out with a third year? Merlin, that's _pricel_ -"

I shushed him loudly and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him towards me roughly, "You cannot tell anyone about this! My favour from Thorn relies on keeping this under wraps! I only told you so you'd see why she'd do this for us. So if you let it slip, I will kill you myself, and it will not be a painless death!"

His face was inches away from mine and I stared him down while he blinked back at me, "You take the joy out of everything."

"I'm serious, Black." I said coldly, not relinquishing my grip on his shirt.

"No, I am." He said cheekily.

I slapped the back of his head with my other free hand.

"Ow! Okay, okay! I won't say a word!" He grumbled, rubbing the back of his head disdainfully.

"Good." I said back sweetly.

"Uh, Watson?"

" _What_?"

"You can let go of me now…"

I suddenly became aware of how close we really were, like close enough to see the different shades in his eyes, and I realized I was still holding onto his shirt. My face coloured and I let go of him like he was on fire. Which was more like me physically pushing him away from me. Thankfully, and remarkably, he didn't say anything.

I coughed to cover up my embarrassment and quickly picked my quill back up, "Okay, so it's settled."

"Not quite." He drawled.

My eyes snapped back over to him.

He grinned back at me, "There's just one thing before I go along with your barmy plan."

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

"I want to be at this Slug Party." He stated.

I snorted, "You? At a Slug Party? You're not even a part of the Slug Club; you'd have to go as someone's date."

His grin widened, "Exactly."

It took me a moment. Sometimes I'm slow, so sue me.

"Oh no," I stuttered as it dawned on me what he was implying. "No way, I am _not_ taking you as my date!"

"Like you had anyone to go with in the first place." He scoffed. "I want to make sure Thorn doesn't try anything on James, and besides, I'm a part of this scheming business. I should be there. We're partners in crime, you and I."

"No."

"Stop being so difficult."

"My friends are already questioning my time with you, going to a party together in plain sight does not exactly stifle their questions!" I exclaimed, "You claim to be good with the girls, find someone else."

"I'll tell Thorn's secret."

"You'll kill the plan."

"I'm willing to risk it when it comes to Thorn, and you seem too invested in this to call my bluff."

"…."

"Watson?"

"I hate you."

"Is that a yes?"

I groaned in aggravation. "Fine! Meet me in the common room at eight Halloween night, and if anyone asks about us, tell them I lost a bet. And for the record," I snatched his apple off the table, "I could have had someone else to go with!"

I took a bite out of his apple and then smacked it back on the table in front of him, effectively snuffing him as I went back to my school work.

"You really need to stop doing that," I vaguely heard him mutter, before he grabbed his apple disdainfully and got up from the table.

I heard his retreating footsteps, and hearing him leave the study hall, I looked up again and sighed.

How was I going to explain this to my friends? I never took a date to slug party before. Lily and I would usually just go stag together as most guys refused to ask us out. Lily, because blokes were scared of what Potter would do to them, and me, because apparently I'm temperamental. And considering last week's third degree about me and Black, and I doubted my roommates would be pleased about taking him as my date.

I was beginning to wonder if all this trouble was even worth it. Lily was still as mad as ever, but now her anger was narrowing in on me specifically. Should she, or any of my friends for that matter, come to believe I was involved with the 'enemy side', it would be catastrophic.

"Wotcher, Jack."

I shrieked out in surprise as Marlene suddenly plopped herself in front of my pondering gaze.

"Great to see you too." She responded dryly, idly placing her textbook on the table and flipping it open.

My heartrate returned to normal and I shot her a look, "you startled me is all."

"What, did I cut in on your Sirius Black daydreams?" She quipped.

I choked. " _No_."

She snorted, "I saw him with you like two minutes ago, helping you with your 'transfiguration'. Didn't seem to be a whole lot of studying going on, especially considering-" She grabbed my essay out from under me and held it up, "-that this is potions, not transfiguration."

"I really don't want to discuss this." I snatched my paper back and put it in front of me protectively. I looked cautiously back at my best friend, trying to gauge her response.

She quirked a single eyebrow as if challenging me.

"What?" I demanded.

She pursed her lips in contemplation before responding, "Is this about the date to the wedding thing? Because honestly, Jack, if you want someone that bad I can go with you, but Black? Jack, you hate him and he tends to make our lives miserable, so why put yourself through this?"

I blinked back.

She thought… that I would take… that sodding _git_ to meet my _family?_

"I get that this could just be a phase for you," She continued when I just stared at her horrified, "I know guys around here are kind of slim pickings, but still. This is the guy you threaten to dismember every week, and Mary is getting obsessed with all these rumors-"

I broke out of my shock, "Wait, what? There's rumors?!"

She gave me a look, "Jack, it's Hogwarts, of course there's rumors, even the teachers know about the rumors."

"Does Lily know?" I squeaked, my mind playing out my death before me.

"She may be an exception, people have been terrified of late of even speaking to her, let alone gossiping with her." Marlene responded simply, "Though I assume she suspects, I mean, after you told her about you and Black studying together, she barely speaks to anyone anymore. Which, don't get me wrong, is kind of nice compared to her screaming matches with Mary, but at the same time it's kind of freaking me out…"

I groaned and collapsed my head in my arms on the table; by the sounds of it, we would all need therapy by the end of the year.

"Jack," Marlene's voice sounded, "I understand you can do whatever you want, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're trying to anger Lily further, bang on job, but I'm going to have to end you."

I peeped up over my arms at my friend's completely serious expression.

Marlene was generally not prone to hysterics and drama, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to tell her of my schemes with Black.

I let out a sigh and raised my head as she continued to stare expectantly at me. "I'm not trying to make her mad, I'm attempting to get her back to normal."

"You're joking." She deadpanned.

I rolled my eyes, "Apparently the Marauders aren't too keen on having Lily all crazy either, so Black and I have been working together to get her sane again. That's why we've been spending time together. "

I let out a breath, finally having that off my chest.

Her skeptical look slowly transformed into one of incredulity, "You're doing _what_?!"

I opened my mouth to speak but she quickly waved a hand to cut me off.

"You know what? No. I don't want to know!" she stated her eyes wide and furious, "You want to know why? Because it's _suicide_! Are you completely insane?! If Lily finds out about this we will _all_ be dead!"

"Will you hush?" I demanded, grabbing hold of her flailing hands and pushing them down, "Lily's not going to find out!"

"You can't guaranty that!"

"Listen," I said calmly, "I admit the past couple of weeks have been a bit of a fail, but I think we're finally on to something! You even said yourself that Lily's calmed down a bit."

"I said she wasn't speaking to anyone anymore," She hissed back, "That is not the same as calmed down!"

I let out an aggravated sigh. I knew this wasn't gong to go over well, but I was at least expecting the rarely theatrical Marlene to be better than this.

"Okay, just hear me out for three bleeding seconds." I told her, and she huffed out and crossed her arms across her chest. "Everyone is miserable when Lily is miserable, correct?"

She gave me a look that I translated as "no, really?"

"Therefore," I continued, "why not attempt to make her happy again?"

"I fail to see how involving the Marauders is going to make her happy again."

"It's complicated…"

She looked at me long and hard, "I don't think this is a wise decision."

"Okay, let's come to an agreement then." I responded, and held up a finger to stop whatever she was going to say. "We have one more plan somewhat organized for the end of the week. If it fails miserably, I'll stop. However, if there's an improvement with Lily, I think it's worth seeing where it goes."

I knew I had started out this entire shenanigan skeptical, but I had seen a glimmer of hope with Lily when we were fighting in the dorm. I truly thought that my idea for the slug party would strike a note with her, and I was too invested to just quit now.

"Fine." Marlene said, somewhat surprising me. "I'm curious. Though I don't want any part of it. You and Black do whatever it is you think is so important, but if it doesn't work, you stop immediately."

"Deal." I replied quickly, "But it will work; you'll see."

She quirked a wry smile, "You're insane, Watson."

"You know it, McKinnon." I said weakly, praying that somehow this wouldn't all end in flames.

* * *

"She's insane."

"She's eating a pastry. I don't think that classifies as a mentally unstable action."

"I meant the way she's had her nails embedded in James' arm all night!" Black motioned darkly towards the pair we were discussing.

I watched Florence Thorn laugh and joke effortlessly with the surrounding guests at the party, her hands clutching somewhat painfully at James Potter's arm. The messy haired wizard grimaced slightly through his polite smiles every so often.

"She's just playing the part; will you calm down?" I demanded, feeling more than a little annoyed.

It was already over an hour in, and while I had spent the time in agony with Black complaining every five minutes, Lily had yet to make an appearance. The only positive side of the evening was that nobody was too concerned with me coming with Black since they were still picking their jaws off the floor after seeing Potter with a girl other than Lily.

My only comfort was that Hogwarts would doubtlessly be talking about it for weeks, therefore hopefully getting news to Lily, if anybody was brave enough to tell her. But the whole point was for her to see for herself that even Potter wasn't going to wait around for her forever. Second hand gossip just wasn't as good….

I sighed and chugged back my punch, vaguely wondering why nobody had spiked it yet.

"He looks miserable, I say we just call it off." Black grumbled, yet again.

"It's one night, he'll get over it." I muttered.

He wasn't exactly wrong though. It looked like Lily wasn't going to show anytime soon. I had left the dorm while she was still in the shower, but I had left early and assumed she would come later. But she had never been this late before, therefore the likeliness of her appearing was going down by the second.

"Just tell Potter to go back early and drop Thorn off at her common room." I said finally, defeat covering my voice. "I'm going to go eat my feelings by the buffet table."

I didn't bother waiting for his response and took off through the crowd of students to get to the food.

My grand scheme was practically wasted. All because Lily couldn't bother to be social for one bleeding night.

I reached the food table and viciously popped a grape into my mouth, chewing bitterly as I watched the happy people around me. I saw Thorn and Potter still talking to a Ravenclaw couple and vaguely wondered why they hadn't left yet. Maybe Potter was so desperate and stubborn that he was still waiting for Lily to show.

Maybe it all was for the best. I honestly didn't think Lily would ever fall for him, and trying to get her mood to change was proving more work than it was worth. Marlene was right, this was just a bad idea altogether.

"You sure are demolishing those grapes."

I blankly tuned back in to see a pair of crystal blue eyes staring down at me, a brilliant grin along with them.

Wesley Auric.

I looked back to the platter I had been eating from and saw that almost all the grapes were gone now. Apparently I binge eat when angry…

I gave a weak laugh and then clumsily dropped the grape I was currently holding. I cursed as I fumbled to catch it and then, realizing how stupid I must have looked, abruptly straightened. I laughed yet again from awkwardness, wanting to shrivel up in my shoes.

"You okay, there?" He chuckled, his nature so easy going I felt jealous.

"Peachy." I lied through my smile.

"You know, I didn't see you at the Gryffindor tryouts," He commented, "I was expecting to watch you dominate again."

"The what?" I managed to question, still baffled that he was expecting to watch me do anything.

Maybe I was a little star struck…

"The quidditch tryouts," He clarified, a certain humor to his voice, "You didn't try out for chaser again?"

"Oh, oh that!" I said, finally snapping out of my Auric stupor, "Right, no, I'm not playing this year."

The Ravenclaw captain smiled and leaned against the table next to me, "I'd say that's a shame, but that means less competition for my team this year, so really, I should probably be thanking you."

Wait, what? What was happening… Did Wesley Auric just compliment my skills as a chaser? Especially after he saw me fumble for a single grape?

"Um, thanks?" I replied, confused and nervous and still hungry somehow…

The blonde wasn't paying attention to my stuttering self though, his eyes were now focused on something at the other end of the room. I peered through the crowd to see what was so interesting and froze.

There, standing sock still in the doorway of the classroom, was Lily.

"Looks like Evans finally showed up," Auric commented, but I was too focussed on Lily to take much notice of him.

Her face was white, a stark contrast to the dark green dress she was wearing. Her vivid eyes were wide as they stared in front of her at Potter and Thorn.

"Excuse me," I muttered quickly to Auric, scooting past him to quickly get to Lily.

I pushed through the crowd and reached out for her arm, her head snapping to look at me.

"What the bloody hell is _that?_ " She hissed, not even bothering to greet me.

Well she noticed.

I opted to play dumb, "What's what?"

"Potter asked _Thorn_ here?" She demanded, her flashing eyes going back to the pair.

Thankfully Potter was keeping his eyes adverted, elsewise he probably would have wet himself and come begging towards her at her hateful stare.

"Yes…?" I answered, getting concerned that I had greatly misjudged the situation. Lily was just getting even more fiery. Marlene would kill me. "Is that a bad thing?"

"A bad thing?" She echoed incredulously, turning back to me. "All of Hogwarts knows he's never asked out anyone else besides me! Now he takes out Thorn of all people? He's trying to insult me! Everyone knows how much I hate that bint!"

I was starting to wonder why everyone hated Florence Thorn so much, I mean, she wasn't exactly pleasant, but Lily and Black seemed to have personal vendettas against the girl…

But I didn't have time to think about it, right now I had to carefully figure out how to handle the current situation.

"I thought you wanted Potter to go after different girls?" I worded carefully.

"I do! It's just-" She abruptly stopped and her eyes focused behind me.

I turned to look also and saw that Potter and Thorn had finally taken notice of her. Thorn gave a small smirk, and Potter looked incredibly out of place.

"I need to go." Lily said quickly, and turned on the spot.

I held my hand out for her uselessly, but she was already out the door by the time I could process my thoughts. I was expecting her to be stunned, not… hurt? Lily didn't generally care what Hogwarts thought of her, so why would she be so upset about Potter possibly trying to 'insult her'?

"Nice going, Watson." Potter's voice sounded as he and Thorn came up beside me, "Now she's never going to speak to me again!"

"It's not like she was speaking to you before," I muttered, to which I received a scathing glance.

My mind was too focussed on what just happened with Lily to care about Potter though. I needed to go find her and try talking to her.

"This may be a futile question," Thorn drawled, tossing her white blonde hair over her shoulder, "But why are we so concerned about Lily Evans speaking to you?"

"Not now, Thorn." Potter replied in annoyance, though his unimpressed gaze remained on me. "Party's over."

He stalked away from us then, leaving me with Thorn.

The girl next to me blew out a breath softly, "Well, not that that wasn't lovely, but are we through here, Watson? I played your weird little game, so I'd say we're done with our arrangement."

"I guess so…" I murmured.

"You know, it's not really my place," She said slowly, "but what exactly is it you've got going with the Marauders?"

I brought my gaze back to her flawless and calculating face. "You're right, it's not your place."

Apparently I turn into a bit of a cow after an eventful night out.

The gorgeous Ravenclaw didn't seem bothered by it however. "I'm just saying there's been rumors for weeks now about you and Black. That's some kind of record for the Marauders to keep around a girl for that long. I'm just curious as to what it is exactly that they want from you that would provide such an _honor_."

"You don't think I'm good enough for the Marauders?" I asked lightly, not really fathomed by what she thought of me.

She gave a little laugh before going all business like. "You're pretty, Watson, but not that pretty. Your hair is an atrocious mess most of the time, your freckles look like someone tried to paint them on and failed, your figure is lacking in curves, you squint because your eyesight is flawed, your eyes are too far apart, and don't even get me started on your mood swings. You're the type the Marauders, and most boys, avoid."

I stared for a moment after her little list.

"I'm really starting to understand why everyone hates you so much." I said finally.

She shrugged with her elegant little smile, "welcome to the club."

I rolled my eyes before moving past her. I didn't have time for Thorn, I needed to find Lily before she maimed a first year.

She had a fair head start on me, and I was wearing heels compared to her flats, so she was already in our dorm room by the time I found her. I cautiously entered the room, void of everyone except Lily. Where the other three were, I had no idea.

I kicked off my shoes and padded over to where she was sitting silently by the window.

"So…" I said, sitting down across from her and bringing my knees to my chest, "that was a short appearance you made."

"You didn't have to come back early," She replied curtly, "I'm sure Black is missing you."

"Black is probably chasing after some leggy blonde right about now." I snorted, trying to keep the air light.

She shifted to look at me, and it was then that I saw the wet trail of tears on her confused face. "I thought you guys were a thing now?"

I was too stunned for a moment to reply, "No, it's not like that… um… are you okay?"

She gave a humorless laugh and turned back to the window, "I don't even know anymore."

I frowned.

"You know," she said, her voice sounding tight, "I haven't cried since my fight with Severus. I've wanted to, been so emotional over stupid things lately, yet I just couldn't. Now I'm finally crying, but over Potter asking out another girl of all things. How stupid is that?"

She sniffed and I absently handed her a tissue from off the nightstand next to me. I was at a lost for what to say. Honestly, I felt like a jerk for causing her to cry, but I was also intrigued with where this was going. She hadn't seemed this down to earth in a while.

"it's just…" she started, "Thorn? Florence Thorn? Of all people he could have picked, he went for her? I mean, I'm way better than _Thorn_! Like that tart could actually make him happy."

Wait, was that… jealousy? I stared open mouthed at her.

"Wait, did you want him to ask _you_ instead?" the question flew out of my mouth.

She froze as if remembering herself and quickly said, "no."

She did. I felt like my entire world was imploding. Lily actually liked Potter? But she hated him! How the bloody hell did that happen? Black couldn't be… right, could he? I think I threw up in my mouth a bit at the prospect.

"I wouldn't go out with Potter even if he got down and begged," Lily stated, seeming to see my look of disbelief, "I guess I'm just surprised that he finally got the hint to leave me alone."

Maybe that was part of it, but she was still jealous, and not the 'how dare you take my stalker away from me' way. Which still begged the question, why did she never let on before? Potter would have probably died from happiness.

"I would never stoop so low as to accept _his_ offer to a party." She added for good measure.

Bingo.

Pride; it's always been a pride thing for Lily. How could she actually go out with Potter after years of turning him down? She'd have to admit that she was wrong about him. When exactly she changed her mind about him, I had no idea.

"Well," I cleared my throat, "I don't think you have to worry about Thorn. I doubt it will last."

"I suppose," She replied, her expression now just thoughtful. After a moment, she returned her gaze to me, "Jack?"

"Hmm?" My thoughts were probably running as wild as hers.

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?" That caught my attention.

"For being a bit of a bint lately…" She trailed off. "I realize I've been acting out my frustrations on you lot, which was wrong, of course, I just found it hard to control myself...I just get so mad."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, extremely psychotic." She adjusted sheepishly.

"Does this mean you're going to go back to normal then?" I asked, "No more chore lists or throwing of brushes?"

"I'll try my best," She replied, her normal smile slowly appearing.

We stayed for a few minutes by the window, just absorbing our thoughts, before she said something about getting ready for bed and I was left alone by the window as she moved to the bathroom.

Lily had a thing for Potter.

 _Lily Evans_ had a thing for _James Potter._

I doubted the world would ever be the same again.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_ **: Really sorry for the long wait, my life is a rollercoaster of changes, but I am still working on this story, believe it or not. Thank you all so much for the support; it means so much to me. Loved the reviews from last chapter! They made me smile and laugh; you guys are great!**

 **\- Fable**


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